Taste in men! Semishira

Chapter 31

[A/n:
TW: Abuse ⚠️
yeah- sorry-]

Edit; i just edited this and made it the whole lot more traumatic.
2020 me would concerned for 2023 me.

Physical & Sexual abuse warning.

⚠️⚠️⚠️ IF YOU CHOOSE TO SKIP - the writing that is set in the middle

like this

Includes all the triggering parts. You can read around it to follow along with the story <3

Shirabu's POV:

I go to bed without waiting for Semi. He messaged me at nine saying he'll be a few hours still and that he was grabbing a drink with Yaku. I didn't know how to feel about that. I didn't know how to feel about anything at the moment. Semi has been off with me and all i can do is blame myself. I don't even know what i'm blaming myself for. I don't know what i did. But i just know it's my fault. I'm not pitting myself. I swear.

A benefit of being Semi's 'enemy' is that he has a specific behaviour to whenever i've upset him. He's doing it. And it's my fault.

So, i will myself to sleep in attempt to escape every negative and every confusing thought that circled my head from the moment i woke up to the moment i doze off.
Maybe tomorrow he'll tell me what's going on.

-

Stop.
Stop.
Please stop.
I don't want to do this.
Stop stop stop stop.
"Koji-" Koji's hand tightened around my wrist. The pain of my wrist digging into the bed rest cut off my sentence.
I suppose it's my fault. I cant bring myself to tell him to stop.
If i don't tell him to stop; it's my fault.
The lace of my joggers were tugged against. "Koji, i... i don't want.."

"Why not Kenjirō? I want this." He replied, leaning back down, connecting his lips with my neck.

"I... don't."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" His grip tightened again. His voice is low - almost a whisper. As if, despite no one else being here, he couldn't risk anyone else hearing his threat, "I swear to God, Kenjirou, if you're breaking up with me-"

"I'm not!" My voice is far too loud for Koji's liking. I flinch in fear of how he might react to my disobedience. "I.. I love you, Koji. I would never." I muster a shaky smile. "I'm just not in the mood right now." My feeling of empowerment for saying no were immediately struck down again.

"Well i am." He smiled.

His hand slipped pass the waist of my joggers without struggle. His cold hand grasping my thigh. It stung. He held on too tight, tears were threatening in my eyes.

I wanted to say more.

I couldn't.

That night ended in sex, it always does. It doesn't matter what i want, it's what Koji wants.

That night wasn't even that bad.
Sometimes it'll go as far as slapping me on the face, or even punching me in the ribs to give him what i want.

I suppose i should count myself as lucky today.

-

When my eyes open it's dark everywhere and my cheeks were wet.

I immediately feel the arm around my waist. For a moment my heart paused. I was scared, terrified, that maybe that wasn't a dream. That maybe i'm still there, with Koji, right now.

But i calm down, not entirely - but mostly, when i collect my thoughts and realise it's Semi.
His arm around my waist and his forehead pressed against my back. He slept so still.

I lace my fingers with his.

I don't go back to sleep for a few hours.

I was too scared.

Fear.

Everything, even my boyfriend wrapped around me, felt awful.
I feared i continue getting these dreams of lost memories.
I feared i'd ruin the only good think i have left in my life. The boy who slept next to me.
I feared that i'd be alone again. Stranded with nothing. Nothing but a never ending line of forgotten trauma.

Earlier: Semi's POV:

After Sugawara and Oikawa had gone home, (Oikawa said he had a 'schedual' he had to stick to) Yaku and i went out for a drink.
I had one drink. It hardly made a dent in my sobriety and i was smart enough to ban myself from drinking anymore than one glass.
Yaku, however, wasn't.

It was around 12am when i struggled to walk Yaku home with his arm draped over my neck and his feet falling behind. He mumbled about nonsense i couldn't work out.
I allowed myself into his house with the key i dug through his pocket to find. I brought him to bed where he immediately passed out.

I allow myself a glass of water from his kitchen before i leave to go back home where i was still hesitant to go.

Though, when i arrived, Shirabu was asleep. The sight made me frown. I feel like a complete idiot. A complete asshole.

Tomorrow, we'll talk. Tomorrow, Shirabu will tell me it's a misunderstanding. Tomorrow, we'll be happy again.

I wrap an arm around Shirabu waist and lean my forehead against his back. I'm exhausted.

~
[A/n: I didn't post anything for two days and i come back with this. You're very welcome ❤️]

Edit: ^ i love how 2 days is a long break for 2020 me. I'm back after a month or so idk with this so you're very very welcome <3

i said i was gonna wait until after my college exams to work on the next chapter but i allowed myself a break. I'm gonna do some more revision now but enjoy 😋😋]