'After' one shots

Eliza

"Tessa." 

I can hear knocking on my door. Landon calls out again, "Tessa."

I groan, having worked until closing at The Lookout. 

He knocks again, and says "I'm coming in."

I sigh and rub my face, sitting up and trying to be vaguely with it. 

Landon opens the door slowly and comes into my room, my phone in his hand. 

"Sorry, I know you were working late and it's your day off but Hardin has called seventeen times. Whatever it is must be important."

He hands me the phone. The last time Hardin and I spoke things were kind of tense. The book had been published and built up a following really quickly. I tried to congratulate him and genuinely mean it but having everyone know what happened between us reminds me of all the horrible, humiliating details of our early days.  The thought of strangers reading it doesn't bother me nearly so much as people I know. My mother will read it. His family will read it. My mother and his mother know about the bet so at least that won't be a shock to them. 

I think about the last page again and my stomach churns. If only he could be that honest with me to my face. I loved the last page and I keep the page I took by my bed. I so nearly stayed. But I knew it wasn't right yet and it took everything I had to walk out of the apartment and not return until I knew he had left to go back to Chicago.  

Steeling myself I call Hardin back. 

"Hi, it's me."

"Tessa, thank fuck, I have been trying to speak to you for two hours." Hardin sounds so relieved.

"Sorry, I was working late and left my phone in the other room." I hear him let out a sigh, whether it's relief or exasperation I can't tell. 

"I need to talk to you about something and I want you to hear me out before you say anything."

My heart immediately sinks. Every time we start getting on well there's another crisis to face. What the hell is it going to be this time? But we are trying to communicate better and so I owe it to him to listen. 

"You still there?" Hardin asks and I realise that I have been sitting in silence for at least thirty seconds. 

"Yes, I'm here," I reply in a quiet, resigned voice. 

"Ok. Well you know the book's kind of popular?"

"Of course I know. Adverts, interviews, blog posts, it's everywhere." I close my eyes, dreading what he's going to say.

"There's been a lot of publicity and also some fans . . . female ones." 

Oh God he's going to tell me he slept with a fan, I know it. The churning in my stomach goes up several notches and I wonder if I will get through the conversation without vomiting. 

He notices my silence but keeps going. "There's this one fan, well to be honest I'd say kind of a stalker actually, she keeps showing up to signings and stuff. Because she was blonde and around so much a photographer got the wrong idea and kind of published a story . . . "

He tails off, waiting for me to explode. I am doing my best to keep my emotions in check. The least I can do is talk to him about it. But I have no idea what to say. 

"Fuck, Tessa, this isn't my fault, please say something." There's an edge of desperation to his voice and I want to put my arms round him so badly. 

"Where's the story?" I ask.

"Well it's on a gossip website but Patris reckons it's going to spread . . . "

I sigh deeply. "What have they said exactly?"

"The story has a photo of me and Eliza, she's the fan, and they are asking if it's you. The story implies that she and I are together but I swear to you it's not true. You have to believe me. Please." He is almost begging. My level of panic is receding slightly. 

"How did they get the picture?"

"She was waiting outside a signing. I spoke to her for less than thirty seconds but Patris had already walked towards the car so it looks like it's just me and her. It's not what it looks like I promise." 

"Hardin if I find out you're lying to me . . . " I can't bring myself to finish the sentence. "Please tell me there's no basis to this?" I can't help myself, I have to know. 

"Fuck no, of course not. I can't stop thinking about you, you know that. But-" he stops and the feeling of nausea swiftly returns. 

"But. What." I can't help the icy tone in my voice.

"Patris wants to release a statement saying there's nothing there and she's not my Tessa. But that means that people might start digging, looking for you." 

Hearing him say 'my Tessa' gives me butterflies but the thought of having to answer questions about it all is too much. I squeeze my eyes shut and rub my forehead. I knew that there was a possibility that people would work out who I was but I didn't think it would be this soon.

"I want to come and see you," Hardin tells me. "I miss you."

I want to say yes so badly. But if he comes to visit now then people will definitely figure it out. "I miss you too," I say sadly, "But you can't visit."

"Why? I miss you, you miss me-"

"Because someone will see us. I just can't deal with the publicity at the moment, I'm sorry, I just  . . . can't. I'm still getting my head around everything and the last thing I want is to be asked questions by journalists." I can hear how thick my voice is, tears prickling at the back of my eyes. 

"Ok." Hardin sounds so defeated. "This is progress right? Having a proper conversation?"

I can't help but laugh a little. "Yea it's progress," I answer, smiling. "Neither of us has hung up yet and you have been honest with me. It's much better to find out from you than hear it from someone else. I'm glad you told me, really." 

Hardin is silent for a minute, except for the ghost of a sigh. "Ugh, Patris is calling me. I have to go, I'm late for a meeting."

"Why didn't you say? I would have gone."

"Because I like speaking to you. I would gladly be late for a hundred meetings if I got to speak to you." His voice is soft and I love the new openness that he is developing. 

"Tessa, sorry, I have to go. Speak soon?" 

"Yes. I-" The call ends before I can get my words out. "I love you," I say to thin air, knowing that Hardin can't hear me.