INFLORESCENCE

dichondra

I PRAY  for you to end this love. tell me it's over.

i've been dreaming of it in my guilty conscience where my sins lay in the cloths of fine gold and spoon riches like cereal into the mouths of the devil. i tell you then, to tell me it's over— another selfish sin i yearn for as i lay weak and fearsome to say the words myself.

but you don't know that. you don't know as i paint my smiles of untruth and spill my fabrications with sweet melody, you don't know love that i'm lying.

i'm lying to you.

so tell me that's over, i beg you do. when eyes sink in with loss and tears crash to the bedding like the rain on concrete, know that you did it— you made these tears fall. but my tears, my salty streams, my currents of a river that slosh on the rocky shores of my cheeks to the bend of my lips— know they are not from grief, but of relief. recognize the way my lips turn up, smiling in sunkiss heavens as the sun's rays peak through cream shades and hit the browns of my irises. know that now when i lay beneath my sheets as the buzz of air flutters on my skin i will no longer dream of you saying it's over but, when you said it. with beaming smiles and a giggle under my breath i feel devilish and all the same— heavenly.

i am the inferno, love. i am the demons below the earth's hills and oceans. i drink up my tears as they wash away the dirt of my greediness and yet, they all crowd me. why do they praise me? why? i surely do not deserve such a treatment, i am a liar, a manipulator, i do not deserve the world you give and so, i place my mercy into the palm of your hands. a gift my love to you after all that i've done. i shall stay silent and act as if it hurts to spare your feelings, when the bandaid rips and as the wound is exposed i'll shutter.

i hate blood i'll lie as red liquid spews but as you turn away the wound is healed and i smile, ever the slightest but i smile.

so once again i beg you in my silence, my eyes staring blank to the whites of a ceiling and i beg. please tell me it's over— for when you do i'll finally mean it when i say

i love you.