The Key To A New World

Chapter 6

"I don't know how I'm going to be able to carry on without her. She has helped me so much, and she don't even know it." Shannon explained to Dr. Baker with her face resting in her hands, her voice was muffled but was still understandable. "I know Shannon. I'm sorry, but she won't be in there forever."

Shannon stood up angrily, nearly knocking the chair over with the back of her legs as she stood.

"How do you know that? Huh? How do you know they won't keep her in there? They could keep her in there so doped up on whatever kind of meds they give out that she won't even know who the hell she is or any of us!" She yelled with a rough voice crackling as she tried to fight back her tears long enough to speak. She took a breath and flopped back down into her chair releasing the tears. Dr. Baker didn't respond, instead he glanced down at his notebook where he scribbled his notes from his sessions, then back up at Shannon, he stood, walked toward her, eased himself down on one knee, and gently placed his hand on her back just below her right shoulder. She cried for about five minutes and stopped suddenly as she jerked her head up from her palms, gasped, and her eyes were wide and drenched with tears. "What's wrong?" Dr. Baker asked. "I know why Star didn't have anyone else's number in her phone!"

"You do?" Dr. Baker seemed confused.

"I also know why she acted as if she already knew me when we met at Lizzy's house before the Applebee's incident. Ugh, I'm so stupid! Why didn't I realize it before?"

"Don't call yourself stupid Shannon, please. You are not stupid."

"Can I use your computer? Thanks!"

Shannon asked and answered herself without giving Dr. Baker a chance. She leaped from the chair and ran to the computer on the other end of the room. She dug through Dr. Baker's records and found her own file. "At my other Psych's office, we were all assigned a pen pal to help us learn to open up, and basically just to have a designated person we could talk to incase our counselor was unavailable for some reason. It was an exercise we started as soon as we started doing these crazy group classes." She began to explain while she scanned through the documents listed in her folder. "HA! I found it! See, look! Star was my pen pal! I didn't put it together until just now, she looks so different now, I didn't recognize her, and Lizzy never said her last name. I seen her name on the headstone at the funeral, but it didn't hit my until just now." She finished with a facepalm. "Well, ok. So, she was going through counseling too. What would have caused her not to have any friends other than Lizzy?" Dr. Baker asked.

Shannon looked up at Dr. Baker with a guilt-ridden face. "I'm sorry, I can't tell you. At least not right now. I want to talk to Lizzy about it first. I mean I promised Star I would never tell anyone, but I feel like I need to."

Dr. Baker smiled. "Ok."

"I need her." Shannon said and began to cry again. Dr. Baker sat next to her without uttering one word, he just rubbed her back letting her know he was there (which said more than his words ever could in that moment), inside he was just as upset. He could not believe one of his employees pressed the panic button. Things like that happened quite often around there, and he found that it is better to follow and listen to what the person was saying rather than trying to stop them. Objects around the office (although expensive and some of them hard to replace) were replaceable, the person was not. Sometimes going on a wrecking rampage was necessary to get to the point of healing. Everyone has a breaking point, and everyone has their own way of dealing with difficult situations, some people break down and sob, some people go completely numb, some take longer to process than others, and some break things and say hurtful things to those they love and not mean a damn thing they say, it just slips beyond their control. His staff knew that if someone was going on a rampage, they needed to clear the way, go to their office, and lock the door. It is one of the very fist things they discuss in the interview and the hiring process because of the dangers that can be associated with it.

******

While I was in the institute, Shannon kept the flowers at Star's grave fresh. Dr. Baker suggested switching the real flowers out with fake flowers so she would not have to keep buying new every week, but she said no. She explained that if she continued to place real flowers, no matter how expensive it might become, it would show Star that she cares and that she enjoyed the time she had with Star (inside and outside of the psych's walls), she was thankful to have met her.

Dr. Baker noticed that Shannon was slipping back into her depressed state the longer I was gone. He realized what he had failed to see before. She was getting better, she was beginning to come out of her shell, but now that I was gone and she couldn't turn to Star, she was lost again. She didn't need guidance from a psychologist or counseling, what she needed was a friend. I know this because he told me how she was doing on our last call.

With that, Dr. Baker understood what he had been missing. When he first went into the business of being a counselor his main goal was to be that friend. The friend that anyone could come to and he would listen. The friend that would sit and comfort the ones that needed him even if they did not speak, just being present if that is what they needed. When someone reaches out, most of the time they are not looking for advice, they are looking for someone to listen without judgement, an open ear.

So, he fixed the problem during their next meeting. "Shannon, I'm sorry." He spoke softly with a splash of guilt in his voice. "Sorry for what?" She asked and sniffled while wiping the single tear from her cheek. "I haven't lived up to what I wanted to accomplish here. I want to start over."

"I don't understand."

"When I first started my journey in counseling, I wanted to be different from the rest. I Wanted to be better than just a so-called shrink. I want to be your friend. You need a friend right now and I can see that, let me be that friend Shannon. Talk to me as if you were talking to Lizzy."

Shannon looked up at Dr. Baker, his face was showing signs of him asking for forgiveness and concern. This was the first time she had seen the concern. He really did care. "What made you want to be in this business?" She asked.

"I lost my daughter to suicide. I was not there for her like I should have been. I didn't know she was in pain."

"You can't blame yourself for that Dr. Baker."

"You're right, I shouldn't, but I do, and I can't help it."

"I miss Lizzy. I miss my parents, and I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter." Shannon broke down again. Dr. Baker broke down with her. "I understand, you're not alone. I'm right here with you." The embrace they shared was comforting and enlightening to their newfound friendship. When Dr Baker told me about their heart-felt and tear-jerking session, I smiled. I was relieved to know that if I go, she has someone to turn to, she will be ok, and that was all I needed.