𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 (𝟏𝟖+)

44. DEATH & LIFE

Death. So many things in my life have revolved around that word.

I'd grown up without my father because of death. I'd become an assassin and play thing after delivering death. Death had came and taken the first life I'd ever held inside of me. Now death has taken my sister, my twin, and the woman who'd birthed me. One could say that death has nurtured me, created the person I am, in the most toxic of ways.

Without death the vicious and malicious woman who'd fought for her life wouldn't exist. Death had made me fight for life. So, in the midst of all this agony and chaos, all of this death, I feel reborn. I'm free of it all. Free of the wasteland of my childhood, my mother and sister included.

My poor sister had ended her life in a moment of pure grief and loss. Part of the loss I'm sure was not knowing who she was anymore. Without Scott, the person she'd revolved her world around in the most unhealthy of ways, she'd thought she had no purpose; no meaning. I know my twin and I know that's where her mind had been in those final moments.

Neither of us had a normal upbringing. Neither of us had gotten the right kind of help we needed to heal our brokenness properly. I'd at least tried therapy when everything ended with Luke. I'd tried to work my way through the muck and grime that was my existence. Everything that made me Malyssa Ricci had lead me up to this point. Now most of that trauma and baggage were gone.

I look down at my blood-caked hands that are wrapped around one another, trying to hold onto some semblance of myself. Who am I? What do I do now? Will Luke be okay? Because if he is not, if he does not survive this, neither will I. I don't know how I'll mentally be able to take that blow after I've already endured so many. A lifetimes worth off blows taken in repetition, over and over again for all of my thirty-two years.

"Malyssa, Denver." I look up at Dr. Cauldon, who's referring to the two of us bleakly. "We've been able to stabilize Mr. Warner but..." he continues to go on but I stare back down at my hands. He's okay for now but who knows how long. Scott, Marina, my mother, and now possibly Luke. All of my past rendered lifeless.

"Malyssa?" I look to my right, feeling a wave of nausea flow through me. Denver's speaking but I can't hear the words he's saying. My world is slowly slipping away from me.

Blackness. Darkness. The abysmal welcoming arms of death.

I'm finally going home.

✩✩✩

"Sir, you can't come in here. Sir, she's not—"

"Fuck off you measly twatwaffle or I swear to god I will bash your head against the wall until you belong in one of those motherfucking beds." The words make my lips twitch as I slowly begin to open my eyes. "Jesus fucking Christ, thank you!" Whomever it was must've stepped aside, letting him enter the underworld. Because hell is definitely where I'll end up.

Wait... I blink my eyes open. They feel like they each have twenty-pound sand bags on them. Denver walks over to me looking extremely relieved as he does so.

"Fuck, Mal, thank Christ." He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips, kissing it. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost the both of you." The both of you... Luke is dead. His words sink in and I look up at him in mortification. "Oh fuck, no, not Luke. I'm not talking about him. He's unconscious but he's fine."

"You're always so good with words, Den." I manage to rasp out. "What the fuck happened to me?"

"You passed from stress and blood loss. You're stable now and you're both fine." I quirk a brow up at him as he places a hand on my stomach and reiterates, "the two of you, both of you, right here are fine."

"Wait... What?" He can't be referring to what he's referring to. I thought there would be no way I'd ever be able to have a child again. Not after what'd happened to me the last time I was pregnant. "You're not saying I'm..."

"Yeah, baby, you got a baby in there." The tears spring to my eyes automatically at this words. "And I'm going to venture to say that it's Luke's since, well, I haven't done that particular thing inside you since this." He points to his gunshot wound, the one he'd just recently recovered from. He was right, it is definitely Luke's baby.

"Have you told him? Does he know?" He shakes his head no. "Where is he?" I begin to sit up in excitement when Denver puts a firm hand on my chest.

"You need to relax," he admonishes. "Luke is stable and in the other room down the hall. He hasn't woke up since we've been back, his injuries were too extensive." I furrow my brow at him.

"How long was I out for?"

"Almost an entire day."

"I don't want to be in this bed." I frown. "I want to be with him, with the both of you."

He gives me a soft smile saying, "I know, babe, but you need your rest more than anything." His hand goes back down to my abdomen, rubbing it lightly. "For the both of you."

I place my hand on top of his and ask, "is this going to be weird for you?"

He gives a slight shrug saying, "maybe if I were a normal person it would be weird but I love you," he looks at door and then back to me, "and I love him. So this," he gives me another soft rub, "is not something that bothers me."

"Honestly, Den?" I feel more tears blur my vision. "It's okay if you don't want to be apart of—" His other hand goes to my mouth, placing a finger on my lips, silencing me.

"Don't do that, Mal. I thought by now you knew me better than that. I've told you, you can't get rid of me I don't know how many times now, alright? So stop thinking that I'm just going to up and leave you, either of you." Then he pulls both of his hands away from me with an odd look. "Unless, uh, unless you don't want me to stay with you since the baby isn't mine." He runs a hand through his hair. "I mean, I doubt Luke will want to have me in the picture since you know how he is. You know he'll probably not want me there when the baby is born. He's not going to want to raise a child with me around. He's—"

"Denver, stop it." I reach out and grab ahold of his arm. "Luke loves you. You know he loves you. He has let you in more than he has let nearly any other person in the world." And Luke doesn't let anyone in, especially to the side of him that Denver and I were privy.

"But that doesn't change how society is, Malyssa. It doesn't change his position or his status. He's not going to want me to be apart of anything. He's ashamed of me." The forlorn look on his face makes my heart ache for him.

"Denver Bastian Riley, how dare you say that."

"It's the truth, Mal. You know it is."

"If Luke is ashamed of anyone it is himself but he's changed so much of his outlook on that. You've changed his outlook."

"I understand that but what if he wants to raise this child," he looks down at my belly, "his child, on his own, without me. Sex is one thing, Mal, being partners is an entirely different thing. Two men and a woman raising a child together?" He shakes his head in disbelief, "you know Luke isn't going to want any part of that. Maybe he'll keep wanting to fool around but I doubt he actually wants to be with me."

"He will, Denver, because I can't be without the two of you." I move my hand down his arm until I reach his large one and give it a reassuring squeeze. "We will make it work. I promise you we will find a way to make this work."

"I know. I trust you." He grips my hand back. "I love you."

"I love you too, Den."