It is a beautiful Sunday morning. The birds singing and the wind whispering is like a beautiful music in my ears, as I stared to the entrance of the park, waiting for you to come.
I'm so happy and excited because finally, in one whole month without seeing you, I can finally hug you, see you and tell corny jokes to you. I want to see you smile, I want to hear you laugh and I want to be with you. In one month without seeing you is like hell to me, my whole one month without seeing you is incomplete.
And when I saw you enter the park, I felt happy and contented. I am a little nervous and excited because this day, is the day that I will tell you what I feel for you, this is the day that I will tell you I love you. I'm nervous because I don't know if you'll accept my feelings, and I wish you feel the same way. And I'm excited because finally, after hiding this feelings for almost seventeen years, finally I'm ready, finally I'm not afraid anymore...
But I stilled when I saw a man, his arms is snaked around your waist, and I saw happiness in your eyes. This is the first time that I saw that kind of happiness in your eyes. But seeing you happy with another man ripped my heart into pieces.
My love...
You excitedly introduce him to me, as your boyfriend. This day is supposed to be for us but seems like, this day is for you and that man.
Even though I'm in pain, even though I'm not okay, even though it hurts seeing you with another man. I still managed to pretend, I still managed to pretend that I'm happy, but inside I'm in pain.
Seeing you happy is enough, even though I'm not the man who made you happy, who made you laugh and who made felt being loved.
Now, I am wondering.....
What If I didn't hide my feelings for you? If I stopped my self for being afraid to tell you what I really feels? If I stopped my self for being afraid if you'll reject me or not? If I fought for you? If I told you I want to be with you? If I told you that your the girl who's making me happy and making me feel complete and contented? If I told you I love you.
I have so many Ifs in my mind, If I did those Ifs and not hiding from you what I really feel... Am I the one who's making you happy right now? Am I the one making you feel being loved? Am I the one who's your proud of for being your boyfriend? Because if I am, I will do anything to make you happy, complete and contented.
But I know those are just ifs and will never happen. And I need to accept the fact that the girl I love most is happy with another guy, I need to accept the fact that I missed so many chances to make you mine just because I'm afraid. AND I NEED TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I ALREADY LOST YOU EVEN THOUGH IT'S KILLING ME.
