her eyes | billie eilish

8 ❥ the truth

TW: depression

i jumped onto the bed as billie walked over to my suitcase. opening it, her happy expression dropped, and she stared at the bottle of pills that i had thrown in as i left curiously. "my anti-depressants?" i asked, hesitating with the way she looked at them.

"these aren't fucking anti-depressants everleigh, why do you even need birth control, where's your little fuck buddy that you've obviously brought on my tour with you?" she fumed. my face dropped.

"i- um, i didn't-" i look so unnecessarily guilty right now.

~

see the thing is, i truly thought i packed my anti-depressants. but obviously, i accidentally packed my birth control that i still had from when i was younger. that sounds really weird, but like six years ago my periods were really painful. i was prescribed those pills to help. i don't know how they ended up in my suitcase, but god damn have i made this awkward.

"billie.." i started. "what! honestly what?" she was so fired up over this. "i swear to god i meant to pack my anti-depressants which now coincidentally i don't have for the tour." i put my lips in a thin line. her face rapidly went from looking sympathetic back to anger. if you blinked, you would have missed it.

"there's no way you would've just accidentally packed birth control." she stared at me like she thought there was no way on earth she could be wrong. i was laughing. "billie, you're tired." she dragged her hand through her hair, and stared at me.

"fucking hell everleigh, i know." she said, putting her face in her hands. "billie, i need you to get over this, literally look at the date those were prescribed." she rolled her eyes as she turned around the bottle, her cheeks turning slightly pink when she read the date. "oh." i couldn't help myself from chuckling. "yeah."

"wait, why did you even need birth control in 2014, you were how old?" i bit the inside of my cheek. "i was 13 billie, i took it for my cramps." her mouth dropped open. "oh, okay." her tired eyes stared into mine. "no apology?" i giggled. she groaned. "i'm sorry for not believing you everleigh, now move over. i wanna sleep."

i smirked and moved across the bed. almost as soon as she laid down, small snores could be heard, i smiled, and watched her peaceful state, before being dragged into my mind.

she hates you

everyone hates you

just go home, she doesn't want you here

you're hopeless

i inhaled shakily, tears building up.

just give up

nobody wants you here anyways

i was so tired. tired of this. physically  tired. i don't know why it happens to me, god it's the worst. but i just can't be left alone or i feel so worthless. god i'm sad. i'm always sad. i seem so happy but truly, i never am completely.

she doesn't want you here

nobody does

i tried to hold in the tears as i made my way to the bathroom, locking the door. sobs wracked my body as i slid down the wall, and i tried my best to muffle them with the back of my hand. this happened every few days. it was either this, or not having the motivation to get out of bed.. or taking my medication and feeling numb.

you caused her pain

you hurt everybody

you just mess everything up

i sat on the bathroom floor and i cried. i just cried. i don't know why i'm here. i shouldn't be. why am i here? why am i here- knock knock knock i covered my mouth. how much did she hear? "everleigh?" billie was at the door. i sniffled. "uh, yeah?" my voice was hoarse. "have you been crying?" i sighed, stood up and unlocked the door.

billie opened it, and studied my face. her eyebrows furrowed as her lips curled into a frown. "i'm fine." i smiled. i looked over to the mirror and i did not look fine. my nose was slightly red and my lips were swollen. "baby.." billie looked into my eyes, before she pulled me into a hug.

i tried to hold composure, until a strangled sob escaped my throat. "what's wrong angel?" her hand was going up and down my back. i didn't answer. she somehow managed to pick me up, and she carried me over to the bed and laid me down.

her held my face and used her thumbs to swipe away the tears under my eyes. "what's wrong?" she asked again. i just shook my head, more tears threatening to spill. "baby i need you to tell me what happened." she held me hand.

"that's the thing billie.. n-nothing happened. there's nothing wrong. or maybe i could say everything's wrong, this is the truth billie- the awful truth that comes with being my  f-friend-"

she stared at me, and then at my- lips? "w-what are you doing?" she looked back up at me. "i'm so sorry you feel that way everleigh, but just know that i'm always here.." her gaze fell back down to my lips.

"bil.." i said, gaining her attention again. she rubbed my forehead in a multitude of patterns, and slowly i felt my eyes becoming heavy. she started singing quietly.

i had a dream, i got everything i wanted, but when i wake up i see, you with me

~

i don't think i'd been asleep for long when i was awoken to- what the fuck- quiet moans were coming from the bathroom, almost inaudible due to the running water. "jesus billie.." i said under my breath as i rolled over and tried to muffle the sound, but i take it back, that shit was loud.

this bitch really went to pleasure herself  the second after she had helped me fall asleep. i felt my cheeks heat up. i should not be hearing this. after what felt like a lifetime, i heard the water switch off and i panicked to be in a similar position that she had put me to sleep in.

i heard the bathroom door open and a few moments later her warm skin was against mine. she pulled me in close, and i relaxed under her touch. i could feel her heart racing against my chest, probably from her- never mind. but it quickly slowed down and when i heard her slow breaths, i became tired too, falling asleep to her breathing pattern.

~ billie's pov

i wanted to kiss her. fuck, i wanted to. the way she was so vulnerable made my heart do things. i knew i couldn't though. for god's sake, i don't even like girls. but something about everleigh.. god damn. she's driving me insane. so i helped her fall asleep before i did something i'd regret.

do i wish i kissed her? yes. 

was it probably for the best that i didn't? one hundred percent.

(1137 words)

AN: idk what this is LMAO