Fool's Apocalypse

The beginnings of our future misery

May 18th, only the dead could forget that day; seared into our brains as the biggest joke to humanity, but no applause or laugher came when the joke was unveiled - we'd lost our sense of humour.

It started like any good rumour. Background, inconsequential, white-noise. Piecing itself together over the course of several weeks. Unreliable sources, gossip, things said without a hint of proof. Until this background, inconsequential, white-noise, became so loud - no one could ignore it any longer.

An asteroid, similar in size to most of Texas, was making its way - peacefully - to the belly of Earth.

Dodgy websites were the first ones to begin spouting off about this news. Governments blamed it on certain countries, making up lies to instil discontent and chaos amid the other. Back and forth nonsense carried on for weeks and months - until one day, it was confirmed. NASA themselves confirmed it; and all media outlets of reputable reputation followed in unison and agreed - there was an end coming: May 18th, more or less.

Humorously at first, people seemed far more intrigued towards the various governments who had wished to cover this up - and more importantly - those individuals responsible for leaking out this sensitive information. But fortunately, after all that mess had been resolved, everyone could solemnly focus on the matter at hand - total annihilation.

Now, some people faced with an officially-endorsed death-date, choose to behave in... let's just say... peculiar manners. Some people get very spiritual, accept their fate, make amends with enemies, and calmly sit down waiting for the end. Some people get very preachy, act enlightened, as though they have other-worldly knowledge on the reasons for the impending doom. Possible cults made. Smugness quite likely. Sexual misconduct - certain.

Some people decide that they have always wanted an eighty-inch television screen and now is the perfect time to achieve such a life goal - that and several other ludicrous luxuries which they'd never had in their previous lives, and so go off looting in newly formed gangs - this creates for a tremendous fun day out with friends - gives off bountiful amounts of endorphins for everyone involved. Yet, typically, violence is pretty much a given, usually ending with a few nights in a crowded prison cell.

Some people take precautions, empty already empty supermarkets of their vast supplies, and presume an underground bunker will suffice from an impact. However, people already prepared years ago for this day, sit underground and relax. Once again, expect high levels of smugness.

Some people do some other stuff, some people give up, some people do a bit of this and some people do of bit that... but the most annoying people of all, are the ones who sit at home all day, just writing long lists with the words 'some' and 'people' in.

At the end of all this panic, anxiety, and paranoia - there was very little remaining of a once... partially once, civilised humanity. That's right, no more civil parts!

Plenty of repressed ideologies came to light during these troubled times. Some flourished, others merged together, but most perished - mainly all of them devolved into some other creation, to survive. What could be looted was taken, and what could be taken was got, and what was got was had, and what was had was thieved, and what was thieved was... you get the idea.

Then finally one day, May 18th decided to pop its vile head out of the calendar and went straight back to bed. A few days afterwards, people began to wonder why we hadn't been completely consumed by hellfire and flung out through the atmosphere to be unified back into cosmic space dust. If at this point you had anything left which could tell the time, you might have been a tad peeved off to realise, that maybe, just maybe - someone had got it wrong.