ON HOLD: When The Stars Align (Varsity Series #1)

Prologue

"I've fucking had enough of this!"

I thought I've long accepted the fact that the universe was just never on my side and maybe that's exactly why I've withdrawn from any chances that would potentially make me happy. Although admittedly, there were those inevitable instances where the loneliness just eats away at you. So you seek ways to lessen that bad feeling somehow.

"If you step out of that goddam door," he paused and for a moment I wanted him to not continue what he was about to say anymore. It's as if I never saw this coming... I knew we had to come to this day one way or another, so why do I feel suffocated by the thought of something that should've been done a long time ago?

Is it too late to make things right? He would ask me. I never gave him a proper answer but I always knew it was a yes, and maybe he did too.

God, I have been in denial for so long. I brought this upon myself for fuck's sake, upon us. I have no rights to even complain. We played a game we knew we were bound to lose. Now we're facing the consequences.

"Never fucking come back again," he added without sparing me a glance.

I wanted to laugh at how pitiful I was.

How dare I silently hope for this to be one of those delayed endings—one where he or I suddenly back out because we were too scared to face it.

I smiled bitterly at the thought.

He was brave tonight.

I'm so sorry. I wanted to say for the umpteenth time. We've both been hurting for so long, but I just couldn't imagine how worse his pain is right now. I was the reason for all of that. I wanted to hold his face and wipe his tears away, I wanted to tell him he'll be okay...that he doesn't need me in his life to be okay.

But I chose not to.

When it feels scary to jump, that's exactly when you jump. Otherwise, you end up staying in the same place your whole life.

That's what they say.

And comfort would only delay what's already long overdue. We would only be prolonging our pains.

I stood up, willing myself to take the first step away from him. I tried so hard to hold my tears back but it just pained me so much to see him hurting like that. We never intended to come to this point, God, forgive us for even having to come to this point.

It was such a dark ride, no one knew where exactly we were heading, all we know is it would be nothing sort of beautiful, when at the end of every day, that's only what we hoped for.

"Good bye, Riggs."

With all the remaining strength in me, I ran towards the door and left without looking back.

I can't last another second seeing his tear stained eyes, the pained expression on his face, his bruised knuckles. If only I could turn back time and make things right.

I'm really sorry, Riggs. This time I am making the choices and I'm choosing you.

By letting you go.

—

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