I See Fire | Wattys 2021/22 Shortlist | ✔

Chapter Fifty-Six

Jem made me sit down, rest, and eat something while the village disassembled tents for poles and skins to turn into stretchers. Someone took a torch and ventured out to check the creek nearby, to find it drained into great cracks in the earth. People donated from family water jugs instead, filling the waterskins we would bring along on the hike.

When it was finally time to go, willing hands bundled and shouldered the supplies.

"Are you sure you're good to come along?" said Jem for what must have been the dozenth time.

I stuck out my hand for him to help me up. He did, though he looked less than happy about it. In truth, it would probably be better for me to stay behind. But if I had to pick between seeing the battle's aftermath myself, and the crippling anxiety that would grip me here until Jem and the villagers returned safely with the gods, I would rather hike the mountain.

I was still less than steady on my feet. Jem's hand hovered on my back, ready to catch me if I fell prey to a headrush. None came, so he left me for a moment and came back with a walking stick and more snacks. I gave him a grateful smile. Then Abraham called the villagers again, and it was time to go.

The hike up the mountains blended into an unending mire of what-ifs, regrets, worries, and fears of what we would find at the other end. I focused on the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other. Jem kept his hand on my back, as welcome an emotional support as it was a physical one. I wasn't sure I was mentally prepared to find anyone dead when we arrived on the sky-level's field. I wasn't even sure I was ready to see the field again. Every crunch of footsteps on the rock around me sounded like Centzon Huītznāuhtin, and even the thought of seeing one of those stars on the horizon made my heart race.

What if there were Centzon Huītznāuhtin that escaped to the ground alive among all those falling stars? What if they found Grillo Negro? What if we returned with the gods, only to find the rest of the village slaughtered? Abraham had divided up the village's strongest members and made sure everyone who stayed behind was well armed, but even the gods' protection had not saved La Cueva just fifty-two years ago.

I couldn't even stand to imagine Grillo Negro going the same way as the village in the cave. Pulled apart by rats, with nobody left to bury them. There had been children in that cave. There were children back in my village now. Would my nephew and nieces be safe?

"We're almost there," said Jem quietly after what must have been hours, breaking me from my spiral. "Do you have directions?"

I lit the flame in my palm. "Ilhuicatl-Tetlaliloc."

There was no path, but Fuego's seeking ability led us up slopes and along ridges that blended into cirques of grass and back again. I blinked as we passed the last rocks in one of these, to find that it had no end. The world below and the world above did not connect: they blended. We had reached the field.

"Centzon Huītznāuhtin," I said immediately. The flame in my hand wobbled, split, and drifted to the sides of my palm. They were still here, but they were far, far away. Had they fled on their own, or been driven off by the great battle that had unfolded here? Would they dare return? My foot crunched in the grass, and I looked down to find a thread of frost shaped like a lightning bolt sparkling in the fire's light. "Emma," I said, before remembering that the magic only worked with a person's original name. "Itztia?"

Gods, I didn't think I would ever adjust to that. My seeking-flame scooted right to my fingertips. Only Coyol had ever generated a response this strong. Abraham let Jem and I take the lead as we followed the flame and the spiderweb of frosted lightning scars out onto the field. I pulled Jem a little ways ahead.

"Cōātlīcue?" I said quietly, because I wanted to know.

The flame returned to its neutral place in my palm. Jem jumped protectively as I wilted in relief. He put one arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. He didn't ask. He had seen that. Magic retained its memories, but there was nothing of the gods' mother herself in Emma. We let the villagers catch up to us again. Jem shook his head slightly at their questioning looks.

Still, seeing even Cōātlīcue's magic when Emma used it must have been a nasty shock for the siblings. Had they recognized it? They must have. Chal and Tezcat had had a knowing look between them after Emma's second half-calling, and gods only knew how many times Tezcat had felt that golden lightning before. If anyone recognized their mother's magic, it would have been him.

I pulled my mind back to the field, but I couldn't keep it there. I wanted to sleep. To find everyone safe, get home safe, and then sleep and forget about all of this for just one night. Longer if I could. Was that selfish of me? What would happen if Tezcat woke up before his siblings? If he was the only one left alive? The gods had had centuries since their mother's house was destroyed to learn how to look out for one another. We couldn't hope to replicate that.

I needed them all to be okay. Or at least alive. I would never forgive myself if my decision to run away to Tepepia tore another hole in their family, when they'd already been through so much. Xochi had faded, and now they'd lost Huitz. My chest twisted up inside at the thought of adding other names to the list.

Jem's hand rubbed my back, bringing me back to reality. I did another check for Centzon Huītznāuhtin, so automatic now that I found myself staring at the flame in my palm, not even remembering saying the words. I lifted my gaze. In the starlight, it was impossible to see details more than a handful of meters ahead, but there was something silhouetted against the stars on the horizon. Something low and blocky, like a building, but not. We were walking towards it. Another check for Emma confirmed Jem's choice of direction. Whatever that was, we were about to find out.

We found the body of the first Centzonhuītznāhua moments before I heard Emma's running footsteps. I grunted as she collided with my stomach and wrapped her arms around me. Jem and I both hugged her. She stuck to us like pitch glue as the villagers behind us lit torches and waited for their next instructions. A new pang of guilt added itself to the pile already festering inside me. We had left Emma out here alone. Should we have tried to come faster?

I closed my eyes and dragged that thought aside, casting it down the pile. No, we had come as fast as we could. And we were here now. I shut off my insidious inner voice and opened my eyes to find Jem already talking to Emma like someone ought to be. He was taking charge of the situation. I could have kissed him right then and there.

On Jem's instructions, Emma extracted herself reluctantly from our arms and led us towards the blocky thing. We passed through a great ring of lightless Centzon Huītznāuhtin, all flung outwards from the center of battle by whatever had happened after they fell. The grass beneath our feet was more scarred than intact now. Some of the lightning-marks were frost-free, but most were white.

We were close enough now for the blocky thing to blot out a significant quadrant of stars. It looked like a stand of trees now, if trees could have trunks matted together like felted wool. From behind it came a faint glow that already set me on edge despite my exhaustion. I would know that creamy white light anywhere.