Only You

31

"Okay here's one" Michael spoke "What do you aspire to become?"

We had been laying down in bed, asking each other questions that we wanted to know about each other that we didn't know yet.

"I always wanted to be a receptionist when I was younger" I said jokingly 

"Look at you, reaching your goals" he snickered "in all seriousness, what was your dream job growing up?"

I hadn't really told anyone besides my best friend, parents and Jake. My parents and best friend always believed in me, but somehow that wasn't enough to drown out Jake's horrible demeaning comments.

"It's stupid" I admitted, fearful that he would think the same

"C'mon, just tell me" I could feel him looking at me as I stared at the ceiling "please" I turned to my right to see the digital clock on the nightstand 

8:30 pm

I mean I can use the going to sleep tactic to see if that works, but something tells me that it wouldn't work. I let out a long sigh 

"well" I paused to take in a deep breath "I've always loved clothes" 

"okay.." 

"I used to picture myself becoming a fashion designer, I used to draw out clothing idea's and imagined having my own clothing line" for some reason I felt, exposed. Like super exposed and vulnerable. As if I had just told my deepest secret.

"That's" my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest for a split second "pretty freaking cool" I sat up on the bed and stared at him 

"you mean it?" 

"yeah of course, with your style and fashion sense you could totally do it" he set his hand on my knee in reassurance "do you have any of your drawings?" 

once again my stomach sank, I don't. I don't have any of my drawings. I shook my head, trying to hold in the tears that were beginning to form in my eyes

"Really? Why?"

"It's a long story" I sighed through my words

"I have time"

Again I could tell there really wasn't possibility of getting past this

"Well I guess I should start by saying that the only people who know this about me are my parents, my best friend..and Jake"

"Okay" he signaled for me to continue

"Well everyone but Jake was supportive. He would tell me that I would never be able to succeed in fashion design, any time I would be drawing a design he would rip it out of my hands and throw it away saying that I was wasting my time" Michael's eyes widened in shock "the drawings I had from when I was younger, and anything I would manage to draw without him trashing, I would try to put away in my storage. Everything was fine until he found the box of them, he literally lit them on fire in front of me and said it was for my own good"

At this point I couldn't help but cry, I hadn't thought about any of this in such a long time. Erasing it from my mind was easier than dealing with it, so I just pushed that memory away. It hurt so much that the one person I loved and was supposed to support me in everything..didn't

"Babe I'm so sorry" he stretched his arm out and pulled me down so I was laying my head on his arm. He hugged me tight as I let out a few more tears "you don't deserve that and I promise ill never hurt you that way"

"I'll be okay" I wiped the tears, reminding myself that I'm stronger than what Jake made me out to be "it made me stronger in the end"

"Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to" my stomach tells me that it's gonna be one of those questions that I won't want to answer

"Shoot"

"Why did you stay? He was so horrible to you, what about him kept you there?"

I knew at some point this question would arise, and its something I still ask myself..however part of me knows why

"There were a lot of bad days, but there were also some good ones" I allowed myself to remember those times "the bad days were pretty bad, but the good days reminded me of the person I fell in love with and it made me hold on to hope"

I took in a deep breath before continuing, speaking out my feelings made me feel out of breath apparently

"For those few minutes that were good, it felt like things would get better. In those moments I was scared to let go because I feared loosing what we could become"

"Wow"

"I know, I sound stupid but-"

"No" he cut me off "you don't sound stupid, he's stupid for losing you"

"I really thought I could fix him, but it's hard to fix something so shattered with some craft glue" I chuckled trying to ease the tension "but that's in the past now"

is it though?

as much as I would like for it to stay in the past, I worry that it will come up more often than not. All I want is to be away from him but no matter how hard I try..he tries even harder to stay close.