Save me

44

Clarke started to walk away and Lexa immediately followed her. “Clarke I can explain.” She said and the blonde scoffed while shaking her head. “Please.” Lexa begged and Clarke finally stopped walking and turned around. “Now you want to explain?!” Clarke asked with a bitter laugh and Lexa knew she had fucked up  real bad. “Why didn’t you tell me, Lexa?!” 
“Because I finally had you, okay?!” Lexa said mad and it made both of them quiet for a second. “I finally had you.” Lexa said again but now softer that only they could hear it. “You’re everything I want and I was scared that if I told you after you kissed me that I kissed Costia, I thought I would scare you away again and lose you. And look! I am losing you because of it.” 
“Oh please don’t start like that.” Clarke said while she rolled her eyes. “Needing to find out like this, that’s the reason why you’re scaring me away. We’re not even officially dating yet and you already kept secrets away from me.” 
“Secrets? Really? It was one thing and I did it for our sake!” Lexa said and Clarke shook her head again while she looked at Lexa with a sad face. “Can you stop lying to yourself for one moment. You weren’t doing this for our sake because if that was true then we shouldn’t have a problem now. You did it for your sake.” Clarke said and Lexa didn’t have anything to say on that. She just looked at the blonde with her lips pressed to a thin line. “Why did you do it?” Clarke asked instead. “I wanted to get you off my mind.” Lexa admitted. “Why?” 
“Because I felt like I had to move on from you. That if I still hoped for you that it would just hurt me more at the end.” 
“The day you kissed me I said ‘I’m not ready to be with anyone. NOT YET’. I didn’t even say ‘ew Lexa get the fuck away from me I don’t like you in that way’ but still you felt like you had to move on?! So basically I wasn’t worth the wait?” Clarke assumed and Lexa’s eyes furrowed because she was confused. “What?” She asked while she shook her head because she didn’t know why Clarke started to think this. Clarke only stood there with crossed arms, waiting for an answer. “It’s not like that. Of course you’re worth the wait. I only wanted you. You were all I could ever think of. I never loved someone before you and I still don’t. Only you.” 
“But you tried to move on from me knowing that all you had to do was at least give me some time. But you didn’t.” 
“Where was the assurance that you only needed time?” 
“There is no assurance, Lexa! There never is. Especially not in love. Who knows that one day you wake up after a marriage of years but you just don’t feel it anymore? Was that marriage supposed to be an assurance? It can’t be because why would divorcing exist then? It’s all about time and you weren’t able to give me time.” Clarke said and she looked at Lexa with tears in her eyes because that’s how she really thought of it. Lexa wasn’t able to bring anything out. A lump had formed in her throat while her heart had sunk in her chest. Now that Clarke had said it that way she could see why it hurted the blonde so much. “I need some time alone.” Clarke said and she turned around again to walk home. Lexa had set a few steps to follow her, her mouth opening to say something but nothing came out of it so she stopped in her tracks. So she could only stand there and watch Clarke walking away from her. “I suppose that didn’t end so well.” Costia said from behind her and Lexa clenched her fist, her blood boiling. “What do you want from me?” She asked without turning around because hearing that voice was already bad enough. “I want the Lexa back that was able to laugh.” She said and Lexa turned around now. “Is this funny to you? Because I don’t see the joke in it.”
“I don’t mean this situation. Just today overall I haven’t seen you smile and this fight with her didn’t make you smile either. Are you sure she can make you happy?” 
“It’s only been the second day.” 
“Exactly Lexa. It’s only been two days and you’re already on the brink of crying.” 
‘That’s because of you.” 
“Me?” Costia asked with a laugh while she pointed at herself. “The only thing I did was tell the truth. If you had told your girl the truth then we wouldn’t be standing here. Don’t blame your mistakes on someone else.” Costia said and she was about to leave too. “Kissing you was a mistake.” Lexa said without thinking and Costia stopped in her tracks. “I’m sorry you feel that way because I don’t.” She said with a sad smile before she walked away and Lexa started to feel bad about what she had said to her. She held a grip on her hair while she let out a loud breath. When she realised she had not only hurt Clarke but also her Costia, who became a friend overtime she kicked a water bottle that stood beside a bench away. “Everything alright there?” Murphy asked while he walked closer to the brunette and had seen her kick the water bottle away. “Not really no.” Lexa admitted. “Yeah I could see. Want to talk about it?” He offered. “Clarke and I are in a fight.” 
“Already?” He asked with raised eyebrows and Lexa nodded while she rolled her eyes. “Seems like you will have fun on that movie night tonight.” He said and Lexa started to whine. “I totally forgot that. Oh god it will be so awkward.” 
“You know what Miss Woods, you are very lucky to have me because I have a very big brain. It creates very big ideas. Remember how Bellamy and I came to the idea of staying up all night drinking and partying since the ladies claimed the house?” He asked and Lexa nodded. “Well I officially invite you to come with us.” He said with a big smile and Lexa looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Me coming with two boys?” 
“No. You’re coming with at least five boys.” 
“Five?”
“Your cousin and a friend are joining too.” Murphy explained and Lexa was still questioning if she should go or not. “Isn’t it school tomorrow?” She asked.
“Yeah but no one cares. We’ll survive. Come with us! We all like girls anyways so you’re basically a dude.” He said with a smile and Lexa gave him a warning look. “I’m not.” 
“I know but please join your very good friend John Murphy. Please.” He begged and Lexa rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She agreed.