Fading Away

Not Okay

"Oh, my god! What happened to your face", Liz said, shocked.

"Oh it's nothing.",Kali said, laughing nervously. "I was walking home in the snow and I slipped. I accidentally bit my lip when I hit the ground, it hurt pretty bad." Kali explained, praying that Liz would believe her. "Jesus, that sounds awful.", Liz said. She didn't believe Kali's story but she didn't want to bother her about it since she was clearly hiding the real thing.

Kali sat through her classes, worrying about what would happen when she got home. During lunch, she kept thinking about everything that her mom had done the night before, and she became increasingly upset, to the point where she ran to the bathroom, in tears. She stood in the stall, trying to hold back sobs, remembering how things used to be when her dad was around. He would have never let her mom hurt her. He had died two years ago, but it still killed Kali. After Kali's dad died, her mom slowly slipped into alcoholism. She was drunk and angry all the time, and that lead to beating Kali when she was in the eighth grade. She had been fine until a few months ago, when the anniversary of his death came around. She began drinking again, she mostly just ignored Kali, until last night when she hit her again. After school, Kali walked home, crying and dreading getting home. She took the long way home so she could plan out every single scenario she could imagine. She hoped her mom was not drunk again.

Kali finally reached her house, she opened the door quietly, so she could sneak in unnoticed. When she got inside, her mom was waiting for her, sitting at the dinner table with her head in her hands, crying. There were no bottles in sight, and the only thing to be heard was her mother's quiet sobs. Kali was planning on sneaking to her room and locking herself in,but a pencil fell out of her bag and hit the floor and broke the silence. Her mother looked up and rushed over to Kali with open arms. Kali had planned on staying strong and rejecting her mothers, and she was determined, so she declined the hug. Kali felt heartless, but her mom needed to realize how bad she hurt her.

She turned to go to her room but her mom grabbed her hand with a really firm grip. "I am trying to apologize. Listen to me.", Kali's mother said through clenched teeth, becoming angry.

"No! Just leave me alone!" Kali said, trying to pull away."

"You listen to me, you little brat!, She said, yanking Kali's arm so hard that it popped. Kali let out a cry and her mother let go, startled. Kali's shoulder had dislocated, both her and her mom were so shocked that they went dead silent. After a few seconds, Kali's mom told her to get in the car so they could go get it fixed. On the way to the hospital, Kali was sobbing silently, her mom apologized the entire way there and begged her to make up an excuse. She told Kali it would never happen again, just like she did the other day. Once again, Kali did not believe her.

"Go home, I don't want you here right now. I will tell them I slipped on the ice and landed on my shoulder." Kali said as she got out of the car.

"Kali, I'm coming in, I need to be with you. I am so sorry, I didn't mean to. I just wanted to talk to you." Her mom said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"If you even open that door, I will tell them you did this to me. I don't want to see you right now, I will walk home." Kali said. She slammed the car door and walked into the emergency room.

"Hello, how may I help you?",The nurse at the front desk said with a smile.

"I slipped on the ice on my way home from school and I landed on my shoulder. It popped and now it hurts very bad.",The nurse asked if she could give Kali's mom a call so she could tell her.

"Oh, ummm, my mom is at work right now. She doesn't even have her phone with her. Can we just fix this so I can get home, please, it really hurts.", Kali said, laughing nervously.

"Okay, sure.", the nurse said reluctantly. A doctor put Kali's arm back into the right place and gave her a sling to hold her arm up for a while.

Kali walked home and gave her mom a hug before walking to her room and locking the door behind her. She had stopped at the store on the way home and bought some pencil sharpeners. Since her arm was in a sling, no one would see the cuts. With tears in her eyes, she took the screw out of the pencil sharpener and shakily removed the blade. She was numb from sadness so sliding the razor across her skin didn't even hurt. She watched as the blood rolled down her arms, just like the tears rolling down her face. This was when she finally realized that she was not okay anymore.