I'm sitting on the couch with a wine glass in front of me. The sound of JJ walking closer from the kitchen told me she was coming to sit with me. "So Garcia can't make it, apparently some sort of love quarry night between her and Kevin." She informs as she takes some of the blanket that I'm using to cover up her legs. "So just us tonight."
"Is it bad that I'm actually kinda relieved at that part?" I ask and immediately after JJ look at me only slightly confused. She doesn't say anything as she waits for me to explain further but I can tell she's got ideas running through her mind, secretly trying to make sense of something that I'm too tired to even begin analyzing. "I love Garcia but she can be a little too much if you know what I mean."
JJ takes a deep breath that I didn't know she was holding as she smiles mostly to herself. "Yeah I know, I dealt with Reid after you left, remember?" I can only smile half way because the other half of me was brought back to all the hurt and grief I brought to the team. I hurt them. Something I never would've wanted to do if there was any other way.
"I remember..." I agree so quietly I wonder if JJ even heard me.
"Okay, So, what are we gonna watch?" She asks while scanning the TV guide with the remote in her left hand.
"Shawls Identity?" I suggest from the opposite end of the couch.
"The movie about the girl who spent her whole life as a cashier only to unknowingly solve a crime and find her true calling at 40 years old?" Sounding very distasteful of my selection as she hovers over the title. "Why?"
"Life is too short.." I give as simply as I could and it must've hit her exactly right because her captivating blue eyes fell to mine for a few seconds. Searching for something I couldn't give and suddenly she says,
"It is...too short." I try to hold her gaze for as long as I could because the looks in her eyes we're speaking to me but I couldn't hear them. Maybe they didn't want to be heard. Before I knew it the sound on the TV disrupted the silence and I lost my thoughts, ultimately conflicted as the movie begins.
As the movie plot progressed about 15-20 minutes in I suddenly glance down and am aware of how close our hands sit together. Only inches apart and if I were to move a single finger I'd bump into hers. A brush of the hands. It such a small gesture so why is the thought of it sending my heart pumping up my throat. JJ seems completely enthralled by the movie that she judged so poorly at first.
She must've sensed my attention as the staring was enough to bring her out of the movie. "Em? You okay?" She asks in a tone full of concern and worry.
"Yeah, just a little light headed I guess." Which isn't a complete lie but it's better than confessing how completely obsessed I am.
"Well come lay down." She insist and only a few seconds later I process what she means as she pats her lap. Without a second thought I'm laying my head down in her lap and I'm temporarily stunned when I feel the sensation of her fingers running through my hair and playing with the ends only to repeat the process over again. "Relax, Em." JJ hush's as she senses my stillness to the gestures being made.
However I listen to her because who knows if this opportunity will ever knock again. Yeah the pretenses may not be right but it's best that I just take what I can get because it's better than nothing. Especially when it all somehow feels so right. Her left hand rests in the dip of my hips while her free hand continues to rake through my hair. The pads of her fingers feel warm against the back of my neck every time they meet and when they do is the only time I'm distracted from her hand resting on my waist.
I know its all platonic, fun and games, but what's the harm in pretending it's not? At least for a little while.
We stayed like this throughout the movie until I was nearly falling asleep in her lap. The way she played with my hair so delicately put me in the uttermost relaxing state and every now and then her hand would move out of stillness whether she rubbed her hand back and forth or simply stretching her knuckles, squeezing and then letting her hand fall back as it was. Either way I was almost asleep when I heard JJ chuckle.
