saved - jemily.

JJ

I woke up happy. For the first time I can remember. I was genuinely happy. I wondered why, but then I turned over and realised. It was because of her. She was still sleeping, but the way her thick black hair was placed around her beautiful face was perfect. I really did love her.

She started stirring and flickered her eyes open.

'Morning beautiful.' She turned to me.

I blushed and tried my best to stop the smile creeping up my face. She had no idea what those words did to me.

'Morning Em, thanks again for letting me stay here.' I said, truly grateful for her.

'You don't have to thank me Jayje, Id do anything for you.' She smiled, looking right into my eyes.

The butterflies in my stomach were turning faster than ever before. I knew we were just best friends. But the way she was looking at me made me wonder. Did she feel the same way I did? I needed to change the subject before I did something I would probably regret.

'Have you seen my phone? I had it in my pocket before Will came over, but when I woke up in hospital I was wearing a robe, and they never gave me my phone back.' I asked her, eager to say something, anything.

'Yeah, they gave it to me when you went into the operating room, I think it's in my drawer. I'll get it for you.' She reached time her bedside table and pulled my phone out.
'Here you go, I'm going for a shower.' She handed me my phone.

'Okay, thank you so much.' I looked at her.

'For what?' She asked, getting out of bed and walking into the bathroom.

'For everything.' I replied.

She laughed and shut the bathroom door.

I went to turn my phone on, still smiling from thinking about Emily.
And then my smile dropped.
I had missed texts and calls from Will.

'JJ, where are you? You can't just leave and not tell me where your going.'
'You better not have gone to a hospital. Or there will be consequences.'
'JJ it's been two days. Where are you?'
'Jennifer I swear to god if you aren't at your apartment by tonight I'll hit you so hard you'll wish you'd never been born.'
'Are you with another man? You better not be.'
'Jennifer, you didn't come home. I warned you. I will find you. And I'll hurt you. I'll hurt you so badly you'll be begging for death. But it won't come. I'll just keep beating you and beating you. God I'm looking forward to it.'
'See you then.'

My heart started beating faster than ever before. He was going to find me. He always finds me. I couldn't breathe. A moment ago I was happy, but now, I've never been further from happy. I was spiralling again.

Emily snapped me out of my thoughts as she stepped out the bathroom. I couldn't make eye contact with her because I knew she would sense something was wrong.

'I'm going to make some breakfast, would you like some?' She asked me, walking out of the bedroom.

'Yes please.' Was all I managed before running to the bathroom.

Fear was consuming me. I was having a panic attack. I looked at myself in the mirror and cried even harder. I hated myself. I truly hated every part of myself. I would never be good enough.

I needed to stop feeling. Just for a while. I needed my problems to stop and I didn't care about the consequences after. I opened the counter and took the bottle of Oxycodone out. Usually, when Will hit me, I just would take 2 or 3, to ease the pain. But this time that wouldn't be enough. I was overwhelmed with sadness and fear. With pain and anxiety. I just wanted the world to stop. There were 15 pills in the bottle. So I took them all.

After a while the high rushed over me, and I felt good. I felt amazing. My problems were gone, and I was free. My vision was going blurry and I started to feel faint. But I didn't care. At least I was happy. And to be honest, if I was to die in this moment, I really wouldn't mind.

That was my last thought before my eyes closed and my body hit the bathroom floor.