Ask and Dare the E. Thea Sisters!

Comedic Shorts, Ep. 5, The Musical Episode

Setting: A coffee shop.

(Ezra walks into a relatively busy café, where a lot of customers played by the other people in the house are chilling. He walks to the counter calmly and places his hand on the countertop, and a look of pure anxiety suddenly flashes across his face.)

Ezra: HELLO?? HELLO?!? *meme laugh soundtrack* PLEASE ARCOOS I JUST WANT A BLACK COFFEE!! (A piano suddenly plays somewhere in the background. Lily comes around the corner wearing a coffee shop uniform and a carafe in her hand. She opens her mouth.... and starts singing.)

Lily: Black coffee, I'm your coffee gal—

Ezra: NOOO!!! *meme laugh* NOO!! NOT YOU TOO, LILY, PLEASE ARCOOS STOP SINGING!!

Lily: Okay, okay, I'll stop! Oh, I didn't forget! (She snaps her fingers in recollection.) You're the guy who doesn't like musicals! Ezra, right?

Ezra: (He sighs in relief.) Lily... you're talking to me! Like a normal person!

Lily: Uh, yeah, and if my boss catches me, I'll get (Lily places her carafe on the table with a resounding thunk, grabs a towel and starts cleaning a coffee cup for a Ezra to use as she talks.) canned. Uh, new company policy: not only do we have to sing when people tip, but when they enter, when they order— all the time, apparently!

Ezra: Lily... I think there's something terribly wrong with the world today.

Lily: Yeah, freaking tell me about it. (She pours black coffee into Ezra's cup.) Spent the entire morning learning some stupid new tip song, I'm exhausted. (Ezra takes her aside.)

Ezra: Lily.... Li— Lily, Lily.... I feel like there's something..... sinister, infecting the entire neighborhood. And I know it sounds crazy, and not very scary... (He places his hands on Lily's shoulders but quickly withdraws while in his flurry of anxiety.) but it is scary.... if you think about the implications. (He takes on a more anxious tone and places his hands on Lily's shoulders again.) PROMISE ME YOU'LL THINK ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS!

Lily: Okay! Okay, I promise.

Ezra: Okay! Lily, I think the world, is becoming.... (An anxious smile flashes on Ezra's face for a brief moment.) a musical. (Lily stares at him confused before turning back to the countertop.)

Lily: Uhh... I— (Ezra has her turn back towards him.)

Ezra: Don't say anything! Let it sink in!

Lily: Okay.

Ezra: Okay! Now.... are you frightened??

Lily: Uh, yeah.... I think I am starting to get a little frightened.

Ezra: You should be..! (Lily gently gets Ezra's hands off her shoulders.) You should...

Lily: Why don't you just sit down and wait for me to tip you— (A call bell suddenly rings, and Nicky and Paulina's voices suddenly ring from the back.)

Nicky and Paulina: Lily~! Tip~!

Lily: (Sarcastically) Oh thank Glob. (A trumpet somewhere suddenly picks up a beat.) Sorry, Ezra—

Ezra: You—

Lily: I have to do this stupid tip song.

Ezra: No—

Lily: Sorry! (She runs over to Nicky and Paulina (who also have eerily wide grins on their faces) and to the center of the room for the tipping song.)(The three begin dancing a cheesy dance routine (Lily being a bit lousy with the movements because of fatigue and an unwillingness to perform like this) while singing.)