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December 2020

In the middle of the cruel winter, I found myself in front of this café. It was already late in the evening. Only few people are still in the streets. No one can recognize me or even if some recognize me, they are way too busy to bother an idol wandering on the street.

Restless.

I've been restless since comeback. The people are slowly recognizing us. After some backlash and controversy, they were enthusiastic with our Red Summer album and amazed with our Velvet sides. Life as an idol is not glamorous as people see it in the public. Behind the glamor and smiles are hidden sufferings and sacrifices of idols. We cannot complain because we chose this path. Despite being not in the mood, I need to smile in front of the fans to prevent backlash. Sometimes I ask myself if I am still human or I stopped living since our debut.

Kamong Café

I trace its name on the glass. His dreams and plans are coming into life. I can't help but smile. Few years ago we are just teenagers trying to debut. Now we have all the things we could ever ask but why do I feel empty?

I sighed before turning my back and slowly walking away. The weather is getting cruel. I can still feel the cold seeping into my skin despite of my coat and thick sweater. Worst is, I forgot my scarf at our dorm.

"Seulgi!" I froze on my third step- that familiar voice. It cannot be. The café is already closed. I am sure no one is inside. I slowly turn around and smiled. "Is that you?"

"Unnie, you are here?" I feign my happiness. I tried to wander around to freshen up my mind but my foot brought me on this street. Guess my body really loves walking down on memory lane.

"It is really you, Seulgi!" His sister walked towards and hugged me tight. Facing the café, I tried to see if he is inside. She broke the hug and pat my left arm. "Why you did not tell me that you are going to visit?"

"I was just walking around when I passed by, Unnie." I gave her a timid smile. "It was not really part of the plan."

"I missed you. I rarely see you. You should stay for a bit." His sister dragged me inside the empty café while shouting names. Two kids run towards his sister which looks familiar to me. I see them on his Instagram posts. "Rahee and Raeon, this Seulgi. She is Uncle Jongin's friend."

Friend. That's all I can ever be. I lowered myself to be at their level and extended my hand to them.

"Hi, Rahee and Raeon. I'm Aunt Seulgi." I smiled at kids who took my hands shyly. I pinched Raeon cheeks who were biting his fingernails while staring at me before giving me a smile. When his smile reached his eyes, my heart ached at the resemblance.

I raffled his hair before I stood up from my position. My eyes wander around the café when I see a man standing at the door while dusting off the snow on his coat. Someone who shared the same eyes and smile with Raeon.

"Uncle!" The kids run toward him while his eyes linger on him before looking at his sister. Raeon and Rahee hug his legs. If this was 2010, I'll be welcoming him with a smile I always give for him. Only for Jongin.

"I found Seulgi outside that is why I invited her inside. I can't let the main dancer of Red Velvet stay outside in this freezing temperature." His sister said before she took the kids away from their uncle. "Take your seat both of you. I'll make some coffee."

"Unnie, It's okay. The shop is already closed. You should take some rest."

"Ridiculous. I can always open my shop for EXO's Kai and Red Velvet's Seulgi." She winked at me before going to the work station. I bit my lips while clasping bag's strap. She gave a death stare at Jongin. "Stop standing there and acting like a stranger to Seulgi! Get some cake here."