A puzzle waiting to be solved

Are you ok?

How did Nishinoya end up like this? Why did he end up like this? Curled up under his blanket at 3am crying his heart out. Today was just one of those days I guess, where he just didn't have a spirit to be happy. Where he noticed all his flaws, all his imperfections, all his problems. It had been like this for a while... 2 months to be exact. Where he's been noticing more and more about himself that he hated. Something about his life that he hated.

Why did he have these thoughts? Why did he have these feelings? It hurt, it hurt so much. It felt as if something was missing, some part of him was missing. He was a puzzle waiting to be solved. And no one to solve it.

Each day, another piece of the puzzle dissapeared. Each day, he broke inside and outside more and more. Each day, he realized just how horrible he was. Each day, he felt as if he'd rather be dead. That being dead would fix everything. That being dead would help everyone else.

When would this puzzle be solved? When would someone be willing to put all the pieces together?

Another day, another fake smile. Another day, another strained laugh. Another day, another flaw. Another day, another problem.

He wished these feelings would go away. So he wouldn't have to fake a laugh. So he wouldn't have to pretend. He wished that he'd just be happy already. He wished he was perfect so there was no flaws for him to notice and get deppressed about.

Where was he?

Why was he here?

Why did it feel as if time stopped?

Why did it feel as if he was floating around in space alone?

He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want time to stop. He wanted to smile. He wanted to live. He wanted to be free. Was he ever going to have that? Or was he not worthy of it?

What was going on?

Why was it going on?

Why couldn't it stop?

More tears. More sadness. More flaws. More for him to worry about.

The tears wouldn't stop. The tears were never going to stop. He was hurting so much. He was feeling so many foreign emotions. The puzzle was never going to be solved. The puzzle was just going to dissapear, piece by piece. Until there's nothing left. No puzzle to solve.

They say things will get better. They say it just takes time. They say that it will be ok.

Things won't get better. Things never will.

Things didn't take time. There was no time.

Things will not be ok. They never will.

He kept crying, for hours and hours. Until he passed out at 5am. Only three hours of sleep. He was late to school. But at least he wasn't late for volleyball. Volleyball seemed to be the only thing that gave him a small spark of happiness. It helped him find the pieces of the puzzle. But today... No pieces were found. No small spark of happiness.

He had a fake smile the whole time. He had a fake laugh. A fake everything. It hurt him to hide his feelings from his teammates. No, not his teammates. His family. They were family to him.

Suga and daichi were like his second parents.

Hinata, Kageyama, Yamaguchi, and even Tsukkishima were like his little brothers.

Tanaka was like his secret twin.

Kiyoko was like his sister, even if he did crush on her.

Asahi... Asahi was a pillar of support. Asahi wasn't a family member. He wasn't a friend. He was a best friend. He was everything to Nishinoya, Nishinoya just didn't know it yet.