! possible trigger warning !
mentions of sewer side ul thoughts and anxiety
( disclaimer : i am not romanticising ANY of these things, i've planned out this story and tried to make it as realistic as possible, if you are triggered by any of this, maybe just skip this part :) i'm so sorry if you have to skip but it's for the best of you are triggered by these things! )
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i stepped out of the shower to hear muffled shouts and glass breaking , i guess my brother joey is back from his girlfriends again, he only came over to our house about once a month, only because he had to. i grew up with him by my side 24/7 so to not be able to see him anymore has made my life so much harder. him and my mom don't like each other very much, i wish i knew why but i've tried to get both of them to tell me, they never will though. i've always been so suspicious, i've just never been able to find the reason. they would fight EVERY time he came over, joey would walk in. they would fight, things would break and he would leave. i don't see the point in him even coming here, they haven't said a nice word to each other since joey's 18th birthday when he said he could 'finally move out from this hell of a home' and my mom said she was gonna miss him, that's from all i remember though. it was like 4 years ago. i miss their relationship, it is what it is i guess.
i was diagnosed with anxiety 3 years ago, the doctors told me it was because of constant stress and social crowds? i don't even understand it, i have nothing to be stressed about. but i'm always stressed over something, social media has really helped me out with this situation though. but at the same time it has made it so much worse
i've had tiktok since it was musical.ly, i'm absolutely glued to that app i swear. i probably have most of the socials there is available lol.
i don't have a big platform but i always make sure to use it in the right way. i have about 10ish thousand on tiktok, it's understandable though bc it's so easy to get viral on there nowadays. i have 3k on instagram too, my fanbase is the best. it's stressful sometimes but they've helped me through a lot. tiktok is my getaway from my mom, and school.
i dropped out of school before i even managed to start at max a month of high school, it was the absolute worst. i got bullied constantly for things i couldn't control, i would sometimes have panic attacks in front of my whole classroom. i would get so embarrassed and it would give people even more reason to bully me. my mom says they're jealous but that's not true, what is there to be jealous of? this all happened in the space of 3 weeks. i'm so glad i started online school because if i didn't i definitely wouldn't be here today, i was so su1c1d4l around that time. it hurt so bad and i'm so glad i'm remotely in a better place now, even though that was a couple months ago.
i didn't have any friends at public school, not a single one. i was probably my grades most hated, there wasn't a reason, they all just hated me. i didn't fit in at all, i'm not sure why.
all of my friends are online, and they're the best people i've ever 'met'
my first online friend's name is haley, she's literally tiktok famous now, she created the say so dance and she's so popular. she's probably the reason why i have so many followers. she deserves it so much though, i watched her grow millions and i'm so proud of her. my other main internet friend is claire, she's actually also best friends with haley and she's the funniest person i've ever met. i hope to meet both of them one day, they lowkey live close, it's about a 45 minute drive lol..that was until one day when a tiktok video i posted changed my life forever
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authors note yeah yeah💫
hi! :) i'm gonna add these to all of my story chapters, how are you, the person reading this? have you eaten today? have you drank today? just a daily reminder to know ur fucking worthhh!! i love you, thank you so much for reading the first chapter of utopia, more characters will be introduced into the actual story soon! don't worry<3
