If the World Was Ending (Chicago PD) | ✔

If the World Was Ending

It had been a long few days after Jay had been kidnapped that as I stepped through my front door, I felt this wave of exhaustion through every part of my body. I was drained both physically and mentally at the fact that every time he got shot, I felt like I was growing a little closer to him never coming back to me as my partner.

As I walked into the kitchen, I threw my keys onto my table in frustration as I thought about the fact that either one of us could die at any moment, and it was why I had almost admitted my feelings to him. It was why I had volunteered to pick him up from the hospital after he had been released. I had finally gained the courage to tell him everything that was on my mind when his phone rang that was sitting on his hospital bed. I had gone through everything in my mind over and over again that when he looked over to grab it, I lost my nerve and told him I was going to pull the car around in front so I could take him home.

Sitting down in the chair at the end of the table, I ran my hands through my hair and thought about how the car ride had been relatively silent on my end. Having carried out all the prescriptions he was going to take with me as I was grabbing the car, I could tell he still had a lot of medication coursing through him, and because of it, he wasn't himself. He mostly looked out the window, his other hand loosely cradling his elbow the entire time so each bump didn't jar his wound and cause pain.

When we arrived back at his place, he had insisted that he didn't need me to stay. Of course, I did until Will was off his shift. The only reason why he could go home so soon was Will had offered to stay with him for at least the next week while he started recovering.

I could tell Jay wasn't happy about it even though it was more as a precaution just in case something happened, and Will was most suited to help him with anything he needed since he had a medical background. There was no reason to stay, even though Jay had been silently asking me to.

"Hey." Vanessa's voice rang through my thoughts as she walked over to the table and pulled out a chair to sit next to me. Usually, I didn't get startled, although I was deep in my thoughts when she seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Everything go okay with Jay coming home from the hospital?"

"Yeah. I ended up staying until Will got off shift. I would say Jay's feeling pretty good right now with all the drugs he's on." I left out the part about where he wanted me to stay. I highly doubted he would remember asking anyway. So why bring it up?

"That's good he's getting settled. If he's okay, then why do you not look happy about it?"

"I am. I just don't know how I should feel about my partner getting shot over and over again. First, it was him trying to get revenge for his father's death, and now because of a mother and son who he feels like he needs to take care of because a mistake was made."

"Does he know that's how you feel?" I cast a look over to her where I silently asked why we were even talking about this.

"Nope. Never got the chance. I don't know if I ever will." I told her quietly, rubbing at the side of my forehead.

"Why not?" Vanessa questioned, pushing the conversation further down a road I wasn't sure I wanted to go down. I was never super comfortable talking about my relationships with anyone, especially when they led to me spilling my true feelings that everyone constantly teased about.

"Jay and I don't work like that. We work on being able to trust and rely on each other."

"I get it," Vanessa told me, tilting her head over to me with an understanding smile. "You don't want to jeopardize the partnership you've built with him Whether you care about him more than as your partner, he still deserves to know how you feel before it's too late." Feeling the conversation end, she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and left me to my thoughts.

I knew she had a point, but I had felt all courage run out of me as soon as he had looked at that phone sitting on his hospital bed. On the other end was an innocent little boy who didn't know what his mother had done to Jay. She could have killed him because she thought he was responsible for killing her husband, Marcus West when he really died at the hands of a machine error If she had aimed a little higher, she could have hit major blood vessels and organs. The thought of seeing him laying on that floor bleeding out was haunting and would forever be playing in my head.

I need to stop thinking about this and go to bed. Shutting off the kitchen lights, I started upstairs. I heard the faint shutting car door outside but didn't think much of it. I took another two steps forward, pausing as I heard a faint knock on the front door.

It took me a minute to get my body to respond and walk back down to the door and flipped on the light. I had a good guess who it was, although I was extremely cautious after everything that had happened as of late. When I confirmed it was only Jay, I relaxed a little and opened the door a little wider.

"Hi," Jay said softly as his blue eyes fell upon mine. The bruise on his forehead was most accentuated by the porch light, causing it to take on a dark purple in most places. "Can we talk?" He gestured over to the bench just a few feet away from us. I nodded unsurely, closing the door behind me as we both sat down and momentarily stared out at the darkened sky.

"I'm surprised Will even let you come," I said softly, looking just beyond the driveway where his brother had parked Jay's truck. If it weren't for the light on, I wouldn't have seen him sitting there at all.

"He didn't want to, but it was either that or a taxi." Jay flashed a serious smile while taking in a deep breath as he found a comfortable angle to rest against the side of the house. "What I have to say isn't something I could say over the phone, anyway." He had successfully read my thoughts as we sat there in silence before he picked up what he was going to say next. "Hailey, I know I scared you the most. I could hear it in your voice when they were loading me up in the ambulance. If it wasn't for you and the team, I wouldn't be sitting here."

"I think it will always scare me," I said honestly, although in my head I knew that statement could be depicted in a number of ways. "We've both lost partners in different ways, but that doesn't mean we need to lose each other."

"I know. And I know it wasn't fair to do that to you as my partner." Regret lingered in his voice as he gazed at the light across the street."You've been there for me since day one, even when I don't deserve it. If I haven't told you lately, you are what keeps me going every day, and no matter what happens I'm pretty sure I want you by my side kicking butt."

"Likewise." For the first time tonight, I felt myself smile, even relax a little since this ordeal had begun. "We do make a pretty good team, don't we?"

"Yeah, we do." We sat there momentarily in silence once again, comfortably sitting side by side. Neither one of us wanted to move, to end the step forward we had just taken in our partnership. "I'll admit it took me awhile to realize I didn't want to lose what we had, or you." His blue eyes danced with a hopefulness I hadn't seen in awhile as he turned his head to look at me.

"What?"

"Nothing, really." I could tell he was trying to shrug off whatever he was thinking. "It's just I never thought I would say those words again to anyone." I nodded in understanding. After Garrett disappeared, I never thought I could love someone so deeply ever again. It was like when my heart had been shattered into a million pieces, Jay had finally glued my world back together again.