𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐍

𝐭𝐰𝐨.

I went to the restaurant near my place after going home from the library. I wasn't with Delilah but I still worked on it by myself.

Delilah was absent from the library today (as soon as we got out from our 3rd class) because she had to take care of Heather in the hospital, she's still confused on what to do with her car. I haven't told her about what the Perfect Stranger had offered. I didn't know what to say, and Delilah seemed so stressed out. I don't know what to do with stressed people, I can't even handle myself. How am I suppose to comfort people?

I stupidly googled that while on the way back home from the restaurant after picking up my foods. I hated eating in restaurant, busy... and loud.

As soon as I got in, I changed myself and grabbed an apple juice. I didn't remember having it but when I saw it sitting on my fridge, I just took. Didn't care if it was fresh or not.

I turned on Netflix on my laptop and picked a series called 'Friends'. I already watched the whole season till it end so I didn't really pay attention, I just like hearing their voice as a background. It felt like I was living with them somehow.

It gets lonely sometimes living alone but mostly it's just a whole freedom to yourself.

Moving out from my home wasn't quite hard. I wasn't well attached to my family and I didn't really like my neighborhood. I left my family back in Rome while I went out to Seattle. I literally just finished high school and I head off. I was awful with my family, not that I hate them but they were just too much.

I even applied college after moving first.

I called Delilah, telling her to not worry as I worked on the project myself. Maybe a little help to lift the weight on her shoulders.

"Thank you," she says.

"It's fine. And also. There's like a guy who offered to fix your car, said he could lower a price."

"Who?"

"The thing is, I don't really know. He's at our class, the one sitting besides me."

"Well, if we see him again. I need to know how much he'll offer to lower the price, my car literally has no shape at all."

"Gosh, that's bad. Is Heather fine?"

"Yeah some injuries on the head. But nothing serious. Our mom is here."

"Tell your mom and Heather I said hi and get well soon."

"Of course. Thank you again."

"It's fine."

Speaking about the guy. I had him stuck in my head now, I could still remember him. Even trace the ends of his face. That stranger was awfully suspicious, but I couldn't help to trap myself in. Like a deer so curious it sniffs on the trap.

Who is he?

Why did I never see him before?

My thoughts blurs as I heard bed creaking and pounding walls from a neighbor's wall. God, this is disgusting.

Thank god I have the soundproof earphones my brother gave to me as a farewell gift. I miss that 15 year old boy, I wonder if he's already going out on dates... or maybe trying too hard on making himself tiktok famous.

The world I lived in was so modern now, everyone seemed to occupied onto technology. It's hard to find normal teenagers who collect books and cry over them, most of them now just cry over low WiFi connection. Not that is entirely bad, I understood the power and use of a Phone. I also understand not everyone likes to be socially interacting.

Including myself, I wouldn't call myself an introvert nor an extrovert. I'm in between, I don't go out and meet new people everyday, I talk to people that I already knew. If I had new people in my life it's probably someone introducing me or they came up to me theirselves.

I found myself continuing a book that was on my night stand. It was a fictional book, about a girl loosing everything but soon enough receiving the thing she only needed. I then myself know the answer was so called love.

I never understood the word love. I understand the definition of it but never understood to know which is one. I only had a couple of relationships before but never knew what love feels like. I never felt the things that many people describe.

The boys I went with were only guys that were in my high school. Just guys that had things in common with me, I never truly understand what to do in dates, maybe neither do them. We were just like two persons hanging out, we share things in common but never share feelings.

I tucked myself under the cover and lay on my sides. I was still trapped in my mind. I wonder for the boys whom I have shared lips but never my heart, where they already in a real relationship by now? Or they just like me? Still trapped in their own mind, unable to really understand the true meaning of love. Too afraid to understand about it. The more I understand things, the more I change my perspective towards everything. If love was something miserable, I couldn't see things the same way as it was before.

The way I see the world was already a wreck. I can't risk having love to ruin it more. It's either love that could heal me or it'll destroy me.

On Thursday morning, the sun woke me up. It welcomed itself from my windows. I stretched my arms as I slept on it all night long.

I did what I did like everyday. Breakfast, Bus, Class.
Nothing special happened today. It was probably the most normal day I ever had in a week. Not that it's bad, but frankly enjoyable.

It was almost night again, and I felt the urge to call my mum, just to know how her well being after I haven't called for a month.

"Camille?"

"Hello, Mama."

She shouted various of questions as, Where were you? Why didn't you call me for a month? What were you thinking young lady?

"I'm just super busy mama, you know what college is like."

"And you couldn't spare time to call your mama? It only takes 15 minutes to call me, it's not like I need a whole day."

"I know, it's just super busy. And I was too exhausted."

"Tu me fais dingue, Camille." (You make me crazy, Camille.)

"Je connais, Mama." (I know, Mama)

"How are you Mama?"

"Good. How are you, mon chéri?"

"I'm fine."

She asked how my college was doing and how my grades were. I told her the truth, I'm not doing the best at the moment, but as long as I could catch up, she doesn't really need to worry. I asked her about my family back in Rome and how they are handling live there.

She told me my aunt decided to have her 8th child and I laughed telling her that she literally lives as a baby making machine. She told me that John was now obsessed with gardening. (John is her husband, but not my dad).

"Je t'aime, Camille."

"Love you too, Mama. Revoire."