Begin Again

Chapter 1

I am trying. Trying to keep myself okay and keep myself from losing my mind. But sometimes its just so hard.
Losing the man who raised you to a heart attack and watching your mom grow love for another man in just 6 months after his death is hard. Getting moved across the country from all your friends and family is even harder, but I came with her to start over.. try to start over anyway. I thought me moving away could help me cope but living with my mother and her new husband is not what I expected it to be. Its not the same.
I'm starting my senior year of high school at a new school with new people in just 2 days and I'm not sure how to cope with it. I had friends. I had people. Now I have no one.
"Why are you looking like that Kristen?" my mom asks, breaking me away from my thoughts. I look up at her and sigh, "Just nervous to start school. I miss home. I miss everyone."
My mom smiles and sits down on the couch beside of me. "I think this will be good for you, you aren't around those friends anymore, you are acting right, change is good when its for the better."
I look down. Yes. I was smoking and drinking with my friends back at home, but she just doesn't get it. It helped me not feel the pain of my dad being gone anymore. It made me feel okay and that everything was going to be okay. It made me feel better.
"Yeah I guess." I say and put my hand on my face.
"Do you wanna go eat with me and Tommy? We're going to a nice steakhouse. I think you'll really like it." My mom asks with a smile.
Tommy. Thomas Risewell. The car sells man my mom met off of Christian Mingle. My moms new husband. He's nothing like my father was. My father was a strong man who would have taken a bullet for me, Thomas pouts if my mother cooks something the way he doesn't prefer.
"Im good. I'm not that hungry honestly." My mom stares at me for a second before she smiles and stands up.
"I'll bring you something back, its not a big deal. But I do want you to make him feel more welcomed than you do."
"Mhm I will. Just not that hungry." I say while standing up, "I'll be in my room."
"As always. Love you, I'll see you when we get back" My mother sighs out before I close my door to my bedroom.
I walk up to the mirror and stare at myself.
I got this. Everything is going to be okay. I moved out here to better myself. I will find new friends and I will enjoy my senior year.
Thats what I keep telling myself anyway.
I lay down on my bed and put in my headphones in. I try to facetime my sister.. no answer. So then I try my brother.. no answer from him either.
I sigh. They get to stay back home with my grandmother while I'm here in this new world knowing nothing or no one around me and they wont even answer my phone.
Figures.
I lay my phone down and my tears start flowing.
I miss my home. I miss my dad. I miss everything. And my mother doesn't even see how much pain I'm in, if shes happy thats all that matters in her eyes.