Infinity isn't Forever

Healing

I took the bandage off my hand and assessed the burn. Everyday pain was something I would have to get use to.
I grabbed the mugs filled with hot chocolate and brought them to the dinning table. I assumed Tony would be joining us so I made him one too.

"Two marshmallows? It's like you read my mind." Pepper's voice sounded warm. Tony had taken the news well then.

I turned around and smiled at the couple.

"Yeah of course, one for you, and one for the baby."

"It seems you two have gotten close." Tony was wearing a half smile. He walk over to one of the dinner chairs and took a seat. "I'm glad."

We spent the next hour chatting over our, now empty mugs of hot chocolate. It felt normal, mundane.

"I'll go clean these up." Pepper grabbed our mug and walk away to the kitchen.

Tony watched her walk away with a smirk on his face. "$100 it's a boy. I could imagine a mini me running around, he'd be a handful."

"You're on. Can't wait to teach her how to kick ass. She'd give you a run for your money." I gave him my hand so we could shake on it, which he did.

But the rare, honest, bubbly smile on his face fell.

"Your hand. It hasn't healed."

I looked up at Pepper and as she caught my eye and gave me an encouraging nod. It was time I was honest.

"Yeah. I ummm." I pushed my hair behind my ear, trying to collect my thoughts. "I've been taking some meds, they take away my powers, hold them at bay I guess you could say. And with taking away my powers it also took away any super human abilities I had, including my healing."

"Why would you do that?" He didn't say it with judgment, more curiosity and concern.

"I just needed a new start, away from my past. It's safer for everyone and it's not like I did much good with them, so I don't need them. I'm done hurting people."

"How long have you been on them?"

"Pretty much the day I arrived. Pepper helped me out." I turned and smiled at the ginger.

"Does anyone else know?"

I looked down in shame when he said that, my smile falling. "No I uh, kept it to myself. I wasn't sure how everyone would react."

"It's not my life to comment on, nor is it anybody else's." I looked up at Tony's half smile and smiled back. "Speaking of, what I said the other night. It was out of line and I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." I tried reassuring him. "You didn't say anything I hadn't already thought."

"Doesn't make it right."

"We're not going to argue over an apology." Pepper came and sat back in her seat next to Tony.

Tony gave a small laugh at her words and gave me a nod.

"Right cause family never fight." Tony said with an eye roll which Pepper hit him lightly on the arm for.

I looked at the happy couple as Tony's words sunk in.

Family.

He called me Family.

~*~

I was worried about Steve. It had been two days and they still hasn't returned. What if....
no we're not gonna think about that.

But it was a high probability. What were they avenging if they all died. Nothing.

I tried distracting myself with anything when my mind started to drift. I would cook or rearrange the room I occupied. There was a lot of food in the fridge. Something for everyone when they returned.

If they returned.

No. No. We're not thinking that.

I got up from my bed and went into the kitchen. I would make some stir fry. That would make a good lunch.

Preparing all the food took my mind away from any lingering thoughts. I could zone out, be free of worry. For the most part.
I grabbed a bowl and placed it down on the bench and started to fill it up with the stir-fry. I also grabbed a glass to fill with water. As I walked over to fill it up, the buzzer for my meds went off.

BANG.

I looked down and saw a Middle Aged man laying on the road with a bullet in his head. That's when I felt the gun in my hand.

"Time to go Polaris."

I strapped the gun to my leg and turned around.

But when I did I was no longer on a road but back in the kitchen. I grabbed onto my head as a headache hit me full force.

I groaned holding my head. What the hell was that.

I heard my buzzer go off again, which brought me back to reality.

I need to take my meds.

I slowly walked back to my room with a new glass of water and took them.

I sat down on my bed and took a deep breath, my head in my hands. I could feel my brain start to become foggy again. The meds did that and for once I was grateful they did. It numbed the raging headache to a dull ache.

It left me wondering though. What was that? Was it a memory? Or my brain playing tricks on me? If it was a memory, I'm not sure I want to remember.

Got up from the bed and looked in the mirror.

"My name's Sophie... I use to go by Polaris. I'm not that person anymore. I'm.... I'm better. I'm trying to be better." I sighed and leaned on the dressing table. "Who am I kidding."

Doesn't matter what name I went by. I'm still the same person. Those were still my hands. I looked back up at the mirror.

"Monster."

It was the same conversation I had with myself too often. They can smile, or pretend everything's okay, say they forgive me. But there's still too much to forgive.

~*~