Trouble, with a capital T. - Nestor Oceteva

28th November 2019

Where are you? It's last call.

I looked frantically around the plane, hoping to see him. I unbuckled my lap belt and handed Penny to Libby. As I went to step into the narrow row I felt my phone vibrate.

Almost there querida.

I sat back down and went to put the belt back on when I saw the plane doors closing and jumped up.

"Sorry, my husband will be here any moment. Can we wait one more minute please?" I begged the flight attendant.

"I'm sorry ma'am but all of the seats are accounted for. We aren't waiting on any other passengers." I felt sick to my stomach. What the hell was going on? The seatbelt sign came on and the hostess guided me back to my seat. The empty chair beside me confusing me even more.

"Where's papa?" Libby asked quietly. I shook my head, I didn't know the answer to that question. I didn't know anything anymore. This was meant to be a family trip away for our wedding anniversary. It was meant to help us reconnect after the hell this last month had brought.

Nestor and I had been having issues since the kidnapping. We both blamed ourselves and the cartel. The guilt driving us apart. I thought this trip back to Turkey was going to give us the time away from the cartel to breath. I looked at my phone as another text came through.

You never wanted this life, now you can be free of it. Forgive me.

I couldn't breath. I swapped seats with Libby so I could lay my head against the cool window. It also hid the tears I couldn't keep back. He was giving me the out I had always wanted but I couldn't live without him. Not again. I looked out as he plane began taxiing away from the airport. There he was, his hand against the glass of the terminal we had waited in. I watched as the man that I loved fell to his knees the further we moved away. I placed my hand upon the window and closed my eyes.

I felt bad for ignoring Libby's persistent questioning but I just couldn't answer them yet. Our old apartment was stale when I unlocked the door. A fine layer of dust coated every surface. I pulled the sheets off the furniture and dumped them in the laundry. I set Penny's portacot up in my old room and laid her down for a nap.

"Papa's not coming, is he?" I shook my head.

"No baby, he's not." I pulled her into my arms and together we cried until we both fell asleep. All I wanted was to sleep and never leave my bed but I had two children to raise. It was like being in limbo, we hadn't spoken about a break up or a divorce or any of this. I didn't know what was going on or if it was only temporary.

I pulled myself out of Libby's arms and went into the living room. I felt sick thinking of the call I had to make. I didn't want to hear the words, they would make this real and final. I ran to the bathroom just in time to vomit the little I had eaten.

"Why Ness?"

"I promised you that our daughters would be safe. This is the only way to keep that promise."

"Why couldn't you come with us?"

"I have made enemies over the years, you'll never be safe wherever I am. I wanted to tell you but you wouldn't have got on that plane."

"Because you are my husband and I vowed to stay by your side, always. Our children need their father in their lives. I need my husband."

"I'm sorry. I'm doing this because I love you and our children." Click.

The nausea hit me again and I vomited once more. I couldn't do this without him. I called for an appointment with my old doctor. I had been feeling sick for days before we had left Santo Padre. The home pregnancy test had shown two dark lines. I had struggled to keep the surprise secret, waiting to tell Nestor on our holiday. Now, I couldn't fathom how I would raise three children on my own.