Disclaimer:
«•» contains self harm
«•» contains strong language
«•» skip this if you're uncomfortable with the above.
Me and namjoon were eating at the restaurant silently, looking at the scenery out of the rooftop.The waiter poured us more wine as we just ate quietly, without bothering to talk much, it felt a little awkward but I just stayed silent.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of heels clicking and I shifted my gaze to see Maya walking towards us. I scoffed a little at her smile.
" Hey namjoon! " her squeaky voice sounded in front of us. I was annoyed but I didn't show it much. Namjoon smiled at her as they talked for a while, completely ignoring my presence.Soon, she left us alone seeing me pissed. After she left, I faced him and scoffed.
" What did that bitch have to say? " he scoffed at my words.
" What do you mean? " he asked looking annoyed. I sighed and ate my pasta slowly
" Let's just eat. " I said, we finished our food soon and we drove back home slowly.
I wordlessly went to the bathroom and washed my face with cold water. I dont know why but a lot of thoughts ran through my mind.
I kept thinking about how he smiled at his ex and how I wasn't gonna be good enough for him. The internet wasn't much help anyway since all I got was " die bitch ", " leave my Oppa alone " and phone calls from sasaengs. With those toxic thoughts, I took out the blade from the drawer under the sink and slit my wrist a little, making sure it hurt.
The pain felt a little too good, making a teardrop out of my eyes.
" Y/n what are you- " I heard namjoon's voice from the door but I didn't care, he opened the door to see the blood from my hands, he walked towards me and wordlessly washed my hand while I tried to move out of his hold.
" Stay still. " he said trying to clean the wound up but I didn't, I removed my arm from his grip roughly and moved a little far from him from all the force.My chest was heaving due to the lack of breath as blood dripped onto the white carpet on the floor.
" Stop this. Namjoon I can't. " I said.
" You can't what? huh? " he asked, his voice breaking a little as he tried to move closer, I moved farther away, making my back hit the wall of the bathroom.
" I'm tired of this. You looked happy with her, but with me, you're like this? " I asked gritting my teeth from the anger, I was angry at myself for letting it bother me.
" Is this about Maya now? Y/n we're just friends now! I don't show her my true side " he tried to explain, but I was too naive to listen.
" What? True side? Namjoon I can clearly see, I'm not blind namjoon. Even the fans know you were happier with her, how long are you gonna deny it? " I asked.
" Deny what y/n? It doesn't matter, me and Maya, we are nothing now, but you're my fiance y/n! I got ready to marry you! " he spat angrily.
" Marry me? While the whole world is waiting for you to break up with me? " I asked laughing at his words.
" So you loved me cause the world asked you to? Why didn't you care about what people thought when you became my girlfriend? " he asked loudly, looking at me with pleading eyes.
I was caught off guard and turned completely silent, I didn't know what to say.
" Is it because you like her now? Is that it? Are you cheating on me? " I asked, not knowing how absurd my thoughts were and how much it hurt him.
" Y/n are you serious right now? " he scoffed as he moved closer, gently grabbing my arm to look at the cut. I shrugged him away with more force.
" Let go of me. Go back to her, your Maya, I bet she would take you back too, go make the world happy. I think you already fucked her too- " I wasn't able to finish my sentence.A slap landed right on my left cheek, making me stop talking. I laughed and looked at him as he backed away, his eyes filled with guilt, realising what he did.
" Y-y/n I- " he stuttered a little but I didnt say much, I just smiled.
" Just get back together with her namjoon. I know you dont love me anyway, even your fans hate me, everyone wants you to be with her. " I said weakly, ignoring the burn in my cheeks.They were probably red because joon moved closer to take a look at my cheek, I moved away from his hands as I laughed like a maniac.
" I don't care y/n, even if the whole world wants me to be with her, I dont care, she's not the one I love, she's not the one I want my kids to call mom, she's not the one I want to see walking down the aisle to me, she's not the one I want to kiss after moving the veil, she's not the one I want to grow old with " he begged, looking at me with reddened eyes, a tear dropped out of my eyes.
" But I don't want to be that person namjoon. " and with that, I left the house, not caring about where I was going with my phone in hand.
It kept ringing continuously, calls after calls from namjoon, but I didn't lift one because I already knew, I hurt him too much, and he deserved better.
