I lost myself again

2

🚨TW🚨

You parked and ran inside. You dropped your bag and ripped off the Cardigan. Tears were streaming down your face. You rummaged through your night stand and pulled out the sharp razorblade.

You purchased one right after the break up. You were 6 years clean, it was the only thing that you were proud of. But you couldn't take it anymore you needed to be numb. All the pain that this has caused needed to leave, and slitting your wrist ws the only thing you could think of.

You walked to the small bathroom and sat on the toilet. You brought the razor blade up to your left wrist. You just hovered there for around a minute before you slowly brought it to contact the skin. You lifted it back up. No, what am I thinking this is the only thing that I have left, the only thing I am proud of.

The guilt washed over you, were you really going to give up 6 years just like that. You were going to give up the last thing holding you here; on earth, the last thing that was keeping you alive. Sure there is going to be bumps in the road, but "there will be nothing we can't get through" a few words Spencer said to you while you were dating. You were just as strong without him. Right?

You walked to the kitchen and pulled out a package of ramen noodles. You needed to eat, it was time to get your shit together. It was time to grow up. You put the package in a microwaveable safe container and put it in for 3 minutes. You forced yourself to eat it. You thought about what would happen to your things if you weren't here anymore, or what would happen to your cat. Nothing, nobody would care. Maybe Spencer would take the cat you got her together so he might claim her, but that's all.

You put the dirty dish in the sink and walked over to your bed. Let's hope I can sleep tonight. You thought while crashing into your bed.
________

Your alarm sounded 5:00 am. Wow you actually slept 6 ish hours, good. You got up put on some running clothes, and then made your way to the kitchen. Okay I should eat, what will it be. You grabbed some yogurt and berry's. That should be good.

You picked up a book and read it while eating. The food tasted good, and it was good for your body. Sometimes you still heard the ED talking in the back of your head but you stayed strong. You were in recovery again. It was ok if you weren't perfect.

When you finished you put some shoes on and pulled you hair up. You walked out the door with your keys and wallet. You walked down the flight of stairs to the parking garage. You opened the door to your car pulling out your phone. You powered it on. Jesus. 12 missed calls and a large paragraph from Penelope. A voicemail from derek. Jesus fuck. 38 missed calls from Spencer. Why? He ended it why is he calling. a 3 minute long voicemail from Dave. And two paragraphs from jj and Emily. You click the call for hotch; the only person that didn't call or text.

H- "Hello? Y/n is that you?"

Y- "uh yeah, can use a vacation day today?"

H- "you have to give a 3 day notice to take those"

Y- "oh. Well. Then I call in sick."

H-"y/n, I know you are not sick. Just come into the office."

Y- "I really apologize sir, I can't. I get it if you have to report me to Strauss. I will possibly be in tomorrow, I'll let you know other wise.

H- "y/n... I'm really sorry."

Y- "you have nothing to be sorry for aaron."

H-"I'm just really sorry y/n."