to age in a world full of...

Page 1

tick tock tick tock

"yes.. yes, thank you, well sir- yes.. goodbye" cluck, placing the phone back up against the wall phone holder, I hold my hand up-against the phone, leaning my forehead against the wall as I smile at the ground. 

what are you smiling about? this is not what you wanted...

"This may not be what I wanted, but this is what I got so be grateful" I whispered to myself defensively, -sigh- lifting myself from the wall, looking at the table... stacks upon stacks, brushing my fingers against them then lifting one up, I held the thin piece of paper with my fingers, giving it a gaze of wanting the numbers to evapurate.

looking down in disappointment, i set the paper down, turning my gaze towards the clock -tick-tock-tick-, almost 9.. where is he...so tiresome...

I walk towards my room; opening my ears to the quiet echos of this one-story home, feeling my eyelids start to get heavy as i take my clothes off, looking at myself in the mirror. I turn slightly looking down at the line of stretchmarks against my bare skin, rubbing my hand against it as if it was a stain.

 give it a break, its yours.. love it already

sliding into bed soon after putting on my sleeping gown, ill have to sleep without waiting for him again, turning my body slightly i press the lamp switch and close my eyes, feeding into the blank darkness and falling into a blistful sleep.

-

startled  i opened my eyes tiredly, looking straight at the bed's far right to see his bare back amongst the shadowy room, "your late" i spoke shadely, eyeing his movemnt; "i know i was working late again" he muttered, i smelt it...again   

turning my back to where it was facing his, i let my eyes fall back to its restful state; not wanting to stress myself even more

"bye jimmy!"  i heard my neighbors daughter say while hearing a bus pull off, turning my body; I look towards the empty space where my husband is supposed to be, putting my fingers on it i caress it, this is fun 

getting out of bed, i made my way past the living room; entering the kitchen as his frame enters my vision, i look slightly as he swallows an advil; "i thought you said you wont be staying late out anymore"

he looked at me in irritation "look at the bills jay, what do you expect" turning his back towards me; taking another drink to down the second Advil pill

"i expect my husband to come home to me, going to sleep with me, not smelling like liquor every damn night, im tired of this dale" placing my palm firmly against the counter as i hold back my tongue on what i was about to input; walking towards him and pushing my presence in his face "what happened to you? to us? you don't even care anymore"  

he looked down at me shallowly, meeting my firm gaze and chortled at me slightly

i want to slap him

"calm down jay, its not a big deal" he breathed, I turned slighly back from his face, smelling the lingoring smell of liquor in his breath, i looked down at his attair, shirtless... while wearing rugged boxers, what happened to my husband

i miss the man that would call me beautiful every day, the one that wanted to spend the rest of his life happy with me; growing old together, i need to get that man back... just act like im leaving, so he can remember the good times; how much he will miss me, remembering what we had  

"im leaving" firmly stating as i tighten my fist in a ball about to storm off, he grabbed my arm; yes love me again..he held onto it tighter, squeezing it "ouch", l  looked down at his grib then lifted up my eyes looking at his face..his experession.. pure anger... im scared

" dale let go of me" failing my attempts to remove his grip from my arm as he held on tighter while his face tightened into more anger, " dale please!" i yelled as he slowly met my gaze then roughly threw my arm, making it hit the edge of the counter

i winced slightly, rubbing my arm as a bruise started to form, what should i do? 

i stared at the bruise.. processing the event that just unfolded a minute ago, is this real? he never hurt me on purpose before, I looked towards the door as i seen his shadowy figure storm out of the house and slam the door

gasping for air, holding my chest as it stung in pain, feeling my eyes start to sting as well, i let out a slight wale; why am i crying? wasnt i the one who made him angry?, I sniffled as i looked upon the clock, seeing it was time for me to get ready for work.