HIM

c h a p t e r 35: Confession II

Zayyad

Her eyes widen in surprise, "Is this a j- joke?"

"You heard right, I'm in love with you,"

She chuckles in disbelief. "Nah, this is stupid,"

I can't understand what she's referring to as stupid, but I want her in every way humanly possible. It's almost as if I'm obsessed with her. Almost as if? I am obsessed with her, in a healthy way. There is something about her that burns my soul with blue flames. It makes me feel like I am with Mariam, but more intense, stronger, and extreme.

I'd always thought the feelings were nothing and would eventually go away like my other relationships, that's why I'd buried it, but instead, it was a seed and it grew into a big iroko tree; now look at me, standing in front of this girl with no walls of defense, bare as lies like a mirrored moon in sleeping seas, feeling like the eighteen-years-old boy that I was five years ago... a phase I thought I was done with and pledged never to return, and now look at me...hopelessly, irretrievably in love with this girl. It scares me.

"If there's anything stupid here, then it's me. That's a fact."

"I didn't mean–"

"No, Beverly, it's true..." How do I tell her? How do I tell her? "I... I am. I- I... I.. fuck!" I stop, and give myself three seconds to rearrange the damn words in my head, I am far from a stammerer but here I am stuttering the shit out of my life. If there was something I was good at, then it was words, I was good at putting my words together when it came to the ladies, but right now, it feels like a demon is sitting on my tongue and I seem to have lost the handbook, and I am left alone to make these words believable to her. For her. "I'm sorry," I swiftly say, letting out a nervous chuckle, "I'm just pretty tense because how I feel is insane. I am enthralled by you. This might not be good for me, but when I say I'm in love with you, I am. It's not stupid, it's the truth, and with the moon as a witness of this moment, I hope you believe me,"

Immediately, she looks away from me, but I don't look away from her, because she's the most beautiful thing even when she's not trying to be, when she's shy like she is now, I just want to look at her and be with her all the time. Over the past weeks living with her, I've come to terms and not fight with myself anymore about her being my happy place. I may not know everything about love but I know she's in my life and I never want to be without her.

"Zayyad," She calls, her head still down.

I reach to touch her chin, softly tilting her head to look at me. "Talk to me,"

"I don't know what say,"

Silence. Intense staring.

"You don't have to say anything, I just want you to know there's a positivity that comes with these feelings, there's a lot that comes with having the heart of this guy in your hand,"

"Zayyad, I don't–"

"Look, I know, it might be–"

"Zayyad," She interrupts again, this time I shut up and focus on her eyes which has tears in them.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?"

She sniffs. "I think I'm hurt,"

Shit! Wherever her bloody ex-boyfriend is, I hope he falls into a pool of acid.

"I figured, but you swore you were okay last night when I pointed it out, and I–"

"I know what I said, but that's not the point here, I'm not hurting from Jackson, I literally hate him. . .,"

"Oh," I say, "what then?"

She bites the bottom of her lips in reluctance and flutters her lashes to keep the tears in. "I'm hurt because I'm stupid. Stupid enough to actually feel something back," She scoffs and high-fives her forehead, "I stupidly feel something back, and it's so embarrassing, it means I haven't learnt shit from the lessons Jackson thought me. I'm stupid and I know, and that's why it's hurting me,"

"What lessons?"

"That's not important right now, the thing is I don't know what to do with the 'L word' information you just gave me, I like us the way we are, Zayyad, locked up feelings, you know? Just making out and nothing more,"

I feel a shooting pain in my chest and I chuckle humourlessly. Is this her playing my card on me? Is this the universe's way of giving me a taste of my own medicine? This was one of my many lines to tell girls after I was done messing with them and making them catch feelings. Heck, it tastes like bile. I can't even process those words.

Her eyes are evidence that she has a lot to say but doesn't know where to start from, I am curious to know what she's thinking, what she has to say, or do... I'm desperately in need to know where this leads, tonight.

"Tell me everything in your head right now, I wanna know. I don't care if it takes all night, you have me. The whole of me, talk to me,"

Silence. Nothing happens, just intense staring, and the rising and fall of our chests...and maybe the very loud beating of my heart.

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Short chapter? I know butttttt I'm uploading chapter 36 tomorrow!!!! Stay tuned, don't forget to vote, comment, and recommend. This night either breaks or make these two