When Words Become Superfluous

Holding On and Letting Go

        "Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."

~Hermann Hesse

        "Reid!"

        "Spencer... Spencer, listen to my voice."

        "Come on, squeeze my hand Reid." 

        Spencer heard so many voices yelling at him in the distance that he couldn't keep them all straight. Emily's voice came first as soon as the silhouettes of agents pulled the unsub away in handcuffs. After that, Spencer couldn't keep his eyes open. He felt Emily tentatively touch his shoulder around his wounds. There were other shouts in the background as the rest of the team was freed from being held captive, but one voice that rang out in Spencer's ears was Evie screaming his name. He heard Rossi trying to shout over her voice, probably to calm her down. God, he hoped she would calm down. He'd never forgive himself for dying on her like this. 

        "Reid, come on my man." Derek's voice joined in. He felt the presence of Emily on his left side and Morgan on his right. There were other people around him, but Spencer didn't bother to guess who they were. He wanted to just let himself go right there, but he needed to at least say one last thing. 

        "Morgan..." he whispered, opening his eyes just a bit enough to see Morgan's dark eyes looking down at him. 

        "Yeah, I'm here Reid. Hang on, the medics are on their way."

        "I-" he tried to talk, not even knowing what he was going to say at first. Spence squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath before trying again. "Promise me... pr-"

        "Yeah, anything Reid. You can tell me later, you need to save your strength." Morgan said in a deep smooth voice. Spencer shook his head. Didn't he understand there most likely wouldn't be a later?

        "Promise me you'll take care of her." he said, completely out of breath. Spencer saw Emily look up at Morgan's face with horrified eyes. Morgan glanced at her before looking down at Spencer with concerned eyes. 

        "I don't need to, Reid. You're gonna do that." Morgan said, but Reid ignored him. 

        "Tell... tell her I love her. And JJ... tell her I love her and tell Henry I love him and all of the team and I love both of you too..." Spencer rambled mindlessly. 

        "Reid... Reid, stop. You're going to be fine." Morgan said. It was too late though. Spencer had said what he needed to and now nothing was left to do but let the darkness consume him, so that's exactly what he did. Emily was screaming his name, but he couldn't bring himself to focus on her voice. He thought of Evie and the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips, the feel of her skin. It filled him with warmth and peace as he let himself drift just as he heard someone yell out;

        "The medics have arrived!"

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        Evie's knees gave out while standing in the hallway of the room with the cells. Rossi caught her, wrapping an arm around her back and holding her upright. The FBI had just arrived during Spence's sixth session with the unsub, but they may have been to late. They wouldn't let her through, why wouldn't they let her through?

        "Hey, calm down, kid." Rossi said calmly in her ear. Evie let tears fall down her face as medics swarmed in behind her, rushing through the crowd of agents to get to Spencer who was lying motionless on the concrete floor. She could just barely make out his torn jeans from where she stood but that was all. She didn't even know if he was still breathing.