Fall of Grace

4

MADELYN

I was lonely. I hated how lonely I felt. I was used to being surrounded by so many people that now I just feel like crying my eyes out because I have to do almost everything alone. Maggie tries her best to hang out as much, but her life revolves around Doug and I wasn't going to change that for her just because my life was falling apart. 

We had girl nights every Tuesday and we usually just gorged ourself with tacos and ice cream. 

But nights like tonight, when Maggie is out with Doug and group of their friends, I find myself alone in our dorm room feeling bitter. I have a ton of homework but I just can't find the inspiration to open my books. 

I stare at my phone. I used to spend so much time on my phone, constantly updating my social media accounts. The moment I moved out, I deactivated my instagram, twitter and snapchat. I didn't want to have any reminders of the people back home. I know I eventually have to contact my parents, because they don't deserve to be blocked out. I just need to be stronger. I need to find my inner balance before I can venture back. 

I knew that I couldn't relay on Maggie. This whole mess is because I relied so much on my twin, my boyfriend and our group of friends. That's why, without them, I'm just so lost. I feel like I'm detached from everything. I realized that I actually liked the peace and quiet. I liked going out for pizzas and watching rom-coms. I liked having milkshakes at midnight because I was craving something sweet. I liked to read. The constant party life was exhausting. 

I was figuring out that I liked certain things because it appealed to me. I didn't matter whether anyone else liked it or not. I could go do stuff alone. 

But... I guess I have been in a relationship for such a long time that I craved the attention. I wanted to spend these moments with someone. 

I shook my head. My thoughts were turning dark. I looked at the time. It still wasn't late and the diner close to campus had the best milkshakes. I could take my one of my books, read and sip the heavenly goodness of a good chocolate shake. 

I wore my favorite pair of jeans with the school's hoodie, tied my hair in a ponytail and ventured out. 

The diner wasn't as busy, so I easily found a booth. I slipped in and Kelly one of the waitresses came to take my order.

"Hey blondie, you here alone tonight?" she asked. 

"Yeah, just me. I have a ton of school work and zero motivation to do it in an empty dorm room" I said, giving her a small smile.

"Well, you're welcome to use the booth as long as you like. It's not busy tonight" she said.

"Thanks, will do" I tell her.

"So... a double chocolate milkshake?" she asked.

"Yes please, with whipped cream!" I was salivating already.

"Okay girlie, coming right up" she said, and goes to ring in my order. I liked girls like Kelly, her positivity was contagious and I was already feeling better about getting out of the dorm room. 

I opened my book and lost myself between the lines. After a few minutes, Kelly brought my milkshake and I happily slurped the the goodness while reading. 

I guess I was too focused on my book that I didn't notice someone was standing next to my table until they tapped the table. My head shot up and noticed some guy standing. 

"Hey, how are you doing?" he said.

Did I know him? I focused and realized that I in fact didn't  know him.