Becoming Miss Lee

Chapter 17 - A Place To Be of Use

It was well past New Year. The frigid January nighttime air pierced through everything I wore like knives as I stood waiting for Ben. I did not know if he would be able to make it, but I knew that I had to at least wait. A twig broke and I felt my breath catch, "Who goes there?"

"Lady?"

With a sigh of relief, I turned and saw Ben, looking about as cold as I was, stamping towards me over frozen branches and leaves, "Thank God you came. Look at what I have got for you." I produced the letter I had procured from André and quickly shoved my hands back beneath my cloak as soon as Ben took it.

He looked it over and a grin slowly came over his face. He shoved it into his waistcoat and threw his arms around me, "Bea, I could kiss you! What do you want? Name it and I shall send Caleb!"

"I want to go home, Ben." He stared at me with the grin still on his face, but a look of confusion came over his eyes. "I have been away from home long enough, so when summer comes I want to return to Virginia."

He held me at arm's length and looked at me for a while before he nodded, "You know what, pretty lady, I will take you wherever you damn well please." He pulled me in and gave me another squeeze. "We all owe you that much."

He smelled like dirt and horses. It was the first time I had actually noticed and I laughed when I caught myself thinking it, "You smell like a barn, you clout!"

"We are in the middle of a war and you're concerned about me smelling like a barn? You've definitely been in New York too long. We've got to get you back to Virginia... Wait, wouldn't I smell like home?"

"Get back to New Jersey."

-

It was a warm September evening and I was going home. Ben agreed to take me back to New Jersey with him the eve of the 23rd. I had packed my things and had sat down beside my uncle, "You can come to Virginia whenever you'd like. You are always welcome."

He smiled and took my hands. He rubbed his thumbs over the backs of them and nodded after a time, "You know, I may just take you up on that offer in the winter time."

We were interrupted by a knock at the door and my uncle stood to answer it. I followed him to the door and found myself staring face to face with Major John André. I felt my breath catch in my chest as he removed his hat upon seeing me. "Miss Fisher... I had heard a rumor that you were departing so I... came to say goodbye. I am going to meet the client this evening and I do not know if we shall meet again until after the war or ever again, truthfully, so I wanted to at least see you one last time. You have been my dearest companion and life without you has been rather dull... The dreariest of them all, actually." I did not know what to say, so I simply stood looking at him with an awful feeling in my breast. "I shall trouble you no further." He replaced his hat and turned away.

I could not allow him to leave like that in good conscience. Not speaking to me as he just spoke. "Wait, Major!" I called out and he turned back towards me. I hurried down the steps and stood before him, dwarfed beside his height, and took his hands in my own. "Forgive me for keeping myself from you, but you must understand, Major, that if I stayed with you like I had wished, that I fear I may have fallen in love again, with another spy, and I do not believe that my heart could take losing another person as wonderful as you." I gave him a tender kiss on his cheek and laid a hand on the spot my lips had vacated with a sad smile. "I will be waiting for that trip to London, Major, so don't you forget about me."

André's face took on a look of hopeful sadness that hurt me deep inside as he moved both of his hands to my face, "Beatrice Fisher, how could I ever forget a woman like you?" I shut my eyes and felt his lips against my forehead as he kissed it and whispered, "Can you wait for me like I will live for you, Bea? Because I will make you love me after this war is over. That much I can promise."