It Didn't Have to Be This Way

Chapter 1

Henna night only had Reyhan and Süt Anne in attendance, with Emir making a surprise appearance. But Reyhan didn't mind. And Emir had been glad to have that time alone with her. He had made her promises that night. Promises to always cherish her. To always be with her. To never let her cry.

I swear that I will always love you, and no matter what, I will never let go of your hand. And I will protect you all your life. I ask Allah that nothing tears us apart but death.

That was his vow to her. His oath. His promise. He swore to always love her. But he didn't know that she would leave him, leaving him with an aching emptiness that just can't be filled. He didn't know that death would come so soon for her.

He sits up in bed and looks around at the still unfamiliar room. He had to get new everything. New bed. New furniture. New room. Nothing to remind him of Reyhan. Nothing of hers for him to see. But he still sees her in his dreams.

Still unable to sleep, he goes to check on the baby. A baby who has neither his nor Reyhan's eyes. Despite what people may think, he doesn't hate the baby. And the lack of connection makes him sad. They all think it's because he reminds him of Reyhan, of losing her. But it's not. It's the complete opposite actually. He sees nothing of Reyhan in this child. Nothing of himself.

As usual, the heaviness closes in on him and he realizes he can't be there. He knows the facts. He's living the reality. But something doesn't feel right. Reyhan feels missing, not gone. He hasn't been able to put her to rest. His heart refuses to let go. It's still searching for her. All it knows is that he won't find her here.

So he goes.

Standing to the window watching Emir drive away, Hikmet hopes and prays his son is going to find peace once and for all. They all need it.

************

Emir is driving and thinking. Thinking of Reyhan. Thinking of what life was like with her. And what life is like without her. He has no life. He has nothing. If someone had told him at the beginning of this whole thing that she would end up meaning the world to him, he'd never believe them. When he met her, he had no intention of marrying ever. But one forced marriage later changed him in ways he could have never anticipated. He ended up loving her more than he ever thought it was possible to love another person. And now he has no idea what to do without her.

He looks around, unsure of where he is or how long he's driven. He doesn't know where he's going. He just knows that he needs to get away. The further away he gets from the house, the more he can breathe. Something is wrong and stifling in that house. That whole situation is off. Maybe he's just in denial. Maybe he just can't believe she would leave him. Maybe he just can't accept it yet. But his heart still beats for her. If she's gone then there's no point in him going on either. So why is he still alive?

The indicator on his car signals the need for gas. And his heavy eyelids signal a need for coffee. He pulls over at a gas station to refuel both his car and his body. And that's the last thing he remembers.

************

3 days later

"He's opening his eyes. He's waking up."

It had seemed like a miracle. One minute, Hikmet was watching his son drive off into the darkness, praying that Emir returned with some acceptance and some peace. He didn't realize he should have been praying that his son would return at all.

Hearing news of the car accident had been a shock. The police didn't officially report it as an attempt on his own life, but Hikmet had his suspicions. Nevertheless, Hikmet is grateful that Emir is still alive. They all are. Now, they just have to convince him to keep living, even without Reyhan.

The doctor reports that the many surgeries Emir had to have over the past few days were all a success. The damage to his leg was minimized, although he will probably always walk with a limp from now on. The damage to his face made some reconstruction necessary. But after the swelling goes down, his looks should remain mostly the same. The only thing they're still worried about is possible damage to the brain. Emir seems confused and has some memory gaps. He seems to have lost the past 2 years of his life. Hikmet is actually grateful he won't remember Reyhan or any of the pain the past few months have brought.

So when Emir asked for the one person Hikmet never thought he would, he couldn't refuse. Emir wanted his mother. Not wanting him to get upset, Hikmet arranges for Cavidan to be released to come to Emir. He warns her to pretend as if the past 2 years didn't happen, at least until Emir gets better. Cavidan just smiles and goes into the room to her son. She knows that "Emir" will never get better. "Emir" is gone forever.

"Are you sure this will work?" she remembers her accomplice asking her as they came up with this plan.

"It's the only way to get me out of prison. The only way to get what I want." She had known that this was her last chance.

"Will you miss him? Will you miss your son?"

She had given herself one minute to grieve at that question, letting the sadness overcome her for that brief moment. She had let out a sad breath and wiped away a tear she couldn't hold back.

"My son was lost to me the minute that woman came into his life," was all she had said.

The risk had been worth it because now she's here, out of that terrible prison. She's finally where she belongs. Besides, she thinks to herself as she looks down at the form on the bed. This man is her son too. It's time he lives the kind of life he deserves.