(What We Do For People We Love) Jean X Reader (AOT)

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When you've watched AOT you're used to death and suicide...but if you're not you may not want to read this.
WARNING!


Death.

My life has been marred by the deaths of others, scarred by the haunting images of their screaming faces and daunt cheeks. Titans rip through their flesh, their souls leaving as they screech one, last prolonged shout, begging for a way out. Cold bodies drop to the floor, warm blood splattered throughout vast expanses.

I've never liked people, actually, scratch that entirely, I hate what's been done to the world because of greed, but surely...

People do change.

And those people who died were people who had their lives ahead of them.

People who deserved the chance to become better.

People who could've used that chance to do the world better.

When I've watched all these people die, why am I still alive?

Sometimes the thought crosses my mind.

Why still here, still standing?

What did I ever do to be gifted with the ability to speak, walk, see and hear?

When I've lost so much and gained so little, how am I still surviving?

Being born into a family within the confines of wall Maria I lived a fairly better-off childhood, but it was brutally shattered by the looming threat of titans.

My recently divorced mother was a part of the survey corps, and died in the line of duty.

But she didn't, she didn't die for her 'duty'.

She died because she didn't want to live, she suicided because she thought her life without my father wasn't worth powering through.

Her love was her official end, and I was relocated to Shiganshina to live with my only remaining parent. My father treated me well, and I was constantly coddled under the impression I wasn't strong enough to take the reality of my mothers passing.

Living a lie wasn't amazing, but he was killed during the titan assault on our small house before he could tell me the truth.

Escaping on the last leaving boat, I stowed away between shaking forms, some dropping dead from exhaustion.

Like a stick I sat there with my eyes wide in the direction of our old house, watching the people left behind be massacred by incoming titans.

It was then my view on life changed. Life became an inevitable death. It was then when the value of life felt heavier than thousands of bricks, and it was then when I realised an intention is worth far more than everything.

At that moment I swore to have a mind open to everything.

Just like that, it all broke apart.

But...

When I turned twelve, everything began to come together.

Although I'd convinced myself since that fateful day on the boat life is an inescapable death, I realised to keep an open mind I should understand every point of view.

The only corp I hadn't dared to think of joining was the survey corps.

The constant fear of being out on the land beyond the walls paralysed me, this fear of walking down the path my mother met her end on. To stride past the very spot she killed herself unknowing the dirt beneath me was soiled with her blood.

You've reached the end of published parts.

⏰ Last updated: Oct 12, 2020 ⏰

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