Defaults In My Fantasies

WHY and WILL

He has a girlfriend.
What?!!!!
Why?!Why!!!!why!why! why!
Repeating this line over and over again in my head as I am punching the bed with my hand in form of a fist.
Why choose her!!?
Because she is popular
Because she is a bad girl
Because she got suspended for what insulting the principal.Why!
I cried burying my face into the sheet of my bed .
Is it because I am chubby and have extra fat. why!!!
Who ever I like Always likes someone else.
Why God why!!!
Is it because I am not good enough.

Knock!

"GO AWAY hoor!I am not in the mood."I shouted at my big sister who standing behind the closed door of my room .i heard her sigh as she walked away I knew because I could hear her fading footsteps just like my self confidence.

5 minutes passed and I laid on the bed motion less thinking why he liked her and putting the facts together.Thinking as why i even liked him in the first place just by seeing his Instagram post.
...............
Now that i think about it, liking someone over an pic is like having a crush on star or an actor but to me he was never an normal teenage boy. I never met him , never talked to him and only held a conversation on a text for just 2 minutes  about his stories on insta and stuff. I am pretty sure peaple will think that i am stupid for liking him over a post on instagram account  But she liked him not because of his handsome face and his features but also his way of talking and his jokes and he was loyal.
She thought that's the only thing she needed for her but could never get as he was in different city then her
And she only knew about him by her older sister. As she told me about him while I was looking through his post on Instagram and how they became friends. I insisted hoor to talk about me to him but she was also like me she was insecure and conscious about her social circle like who would not be but there was one thing that separated her and me . Our personalitys.

she was slim and beautiful , I was chubby and cute. My sister was great at make up , fashion and was a bold student but me totally different with make up and fashion as i found it rather annoying to cope up with all the irratitios and rules of it so i would wear what I found comfy and not annoying of course. I would speak my mind without a second thought and but nobody liked  that and my sister would only speak when needed or nesscary. I would speak loud and high
And every one would tell me to lower my voice tone and her sister well she would be only loud in desired or impulsive moments.

But the thing they had in common was  anger .when we were angry, we yelled , we screamed ,we taunted and finally we would get what we wanted but that would only be a miracle as our mother raised us to be proper ladies who do not speak loud and are mannered . Well one of us because right now I don't even feel human . Why ?
Because I am greiving over a guy who
has girlfriend and probably thinks of me as just a simple friend.
Yh, friends.........

Wait! Friends !?

We are simple friends!!!!

Realizing this I get from my laying position and sit up on my bed. Thinking ,why am I crying.i shouldn't be cryingggg.YH!I am not gonna cry over someone who doesn't even think of me .
Fuck u Shazil and fuck u hajra .I hope they break up and never meet in their lives again.!!hmph!!
WHat!?NO!!AHhhhhh!! why can't the heart and Brain agree on one single thing ?!is to much to ask Allah!!!

As I was having a fight about myheart and Brain in my conscious I hear this.
"Zana,mama is home so stop crying or she will interogate u like a criminal who killed an innocent person which I am pretty sure u did as u are killer." And there we go,the moment is gone like Really Haroon an killer. Ya Allah!!!"Achaaaa"(ok) I replied or screamed back at my younger brother. I dry up my tear on my face by my hands and get up to go to the washroom. Stumbling I reach it and look up in the mirror. Oh my God my nose is red wow and I look cute. I giggle to myself as I clean up . "Hurry up" my brother screamed "stop shouting" I screamed back . sometimes I have the urges to kill my siblings. you know the feelings right .I was walking to the main door of the house as I unlocked it ,I was being handed different shopping bags like wow mom did u buy the whole mall.
"Hurry up. Zana ,Baba is waiting outside by the car  so go get the groceries and other things." I sigh as my mom tells me to go do work ." Fine but call hoor and haroon also to get them" she hmms as a response and I put all the bags my mother handed me in her room and  go outside to get the others things." Hey Baba! Did mama buy somu for us or is it only her shopping" I asked him kinda greedily and he replied " I don't know but I brought doughnuts for you all ". " Really !! Yess".
I quickly took all the groceries that I could carry and the doughnuts inside the house and went to the kitchen and put them on the shelfs  and got myself a eclair doughnut. I go to my mom's room see that she is standing with a phone in her hand and Skype calling her sister  and showing her all the shopping and clothing .I rolled my eyes and laughed a little to myself thinking 'typical mom" . I go to my room and go to my study table and opened the laptop. it was present near the door and besides was my bean bag and I had a single bed with simple bed sheet on it . So fairy lights above it and on the side table was an alarm clock .My mother doesn't really like family pictures as Namaz  prayer is not accepted and we all are ok with it .so it's a simple room for Any teenage girl .
I open it and start watching the episode of my hero academia which i left unwatched because of annual exams last week .

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2 hours had passed and i was still  watching BNHA . An scene where my favorite character was crying and I felt like crying but I couldn't so I was just pouting so when he was ok . I was felt so relieved. As I was watching my sister barged in my room and said,"mom said to go to sleep or she will take the laptop from u".  and went away. I sighed and closed it as I was also a little tired . I turned the lights off and layed on the bed. It felt nice as i felt sleepy because of all the crying earlier . Now that I think about it . It gives me mix feelings like will I ever get him ?! Will I also be in his life like she is right now !? Will these wish and fantasies ever come true?!will my dreams about him will ever be a  reality . My thoughts get a little fuzzy as I felt sleep taking over me.

V●ᴥ●VV●ᴥ●VV●ᴥ●VV●ᴥ●VV●ᴥ●V

Hey guys this is just something I am testing like not really serious about it and if it does not reach the expected result I have for it then I will remove it but if i get enough votes and comments I may continue it.
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