My Love

One) Rain

He loves her. With tears running down my face in pathetic rivers I can't seem to stop, I ponder on this cruel fact. All of his spare time is spent with her and I couldn't compete if I tried.

Her long, brunette hair was so gorgeous. She had deep, black eyes that could be described as reflective. She was gorgeous, I didn't blame him. She meant more to him than I did.

I stand in the middle of the school's garden, knowing I'm alone as I snuck in after hours. The rain pours, drenching me in the torrential downpour that most find distaste in. I lay down on the uncomfortable white rocks that rest on the ground of the paths.

I'm here, enjoying the feeling of rain down my skin. Writhing in heart-aching pain when my mind thinks of the water being his gentle fingertips. I relish in that fantasy for a bit, softly smiling when a drop of rain slides down my jaw, almost as if it was playing along.

The moment was broken when my phone vibrated, I was glad I had an expensive case on it. One of the ones that didn't let water in and prevents cracks.

I took the device out of my pocket, jumping up when I saw who was calling. Jeongguk, his face flashing on my screen. With shaking fingers I answered the call, taking quiet and deep breaths. "Tae? Where are you? It's late and the dorm is empty, I was worried about you. I texted but-"

"I'm okay Gguk, just out f-for a walk." I cursed the shiver that ran through me. The rain was cold, as much I'd love to stay there forever, I needed to move soon. I smiled at the worry he had felt when he saw I wasn't home, it was always heartwarming when he called me like this.

"You're in the garden again, aren't you?" The smile fell, he knew me far too well and it will forever bother me. "Tae, we're talking about this when we get home, I'm worried about you." I furrowed my eyebrows, confused at the use of 'we'.

I must have made some type of noise to show my confusion without knowing because his voice cut through the air once again. "I'm on my way, I'm guessing you're near the lilies again so I'll be there in about three minutes." He stayed silent after that, probably waiting for me to speak. I had about a minute or two before he got to me so I started to get up, sitting on the nearby bench instead of laying on the ground.

"Gguk?" I heard the gasp on the other end, I had frightened him by speaking so abruptly. "Why are you back early, weren't you supposed to stay at Sana's dorm tonight?" I heard another sound, one that meant annoyance and anger, the slightest bit of sadness showing through.

The call ended and for a minute I almost broke down, afraid I had angered my only friend or upset him. My fears were forgotten when warm hands had grabbed my own. Finally opening my eyes, a few tears sliding down my face without my consent, I saw my best friend kneeling in front of me.

"Where's your coat? You're a soaked sweetheart." That caring tone, one he always used with me, always made my heart stutter. "Come on, let's get you home and in bed." Something I had failed to take notice of was the shivers racking through my body. I was visibly shaking and only noticed when he had taken me into his arms, feeling myself shake and shiver against his chest.

"Y-you're war-warm." I pushed further into the warmth, almost forgetting that it was Jeongguk giving off the heat. When the warm arms tightened around me, I smiled, knowing this meant nothing to him but happy I had this memory. The tears started, my shoulders shaking for another reason.

"Hey," the slight panic in his voice showed through. "What's wrong? Why are you crying, Tae?" He tried to push my shoulders back to look at me but I tightened my arms around him. "Tae?" His voice was thick now, thick with emotion and held back tears. "Tae what's wrong? You've been like this for months and it's really scary."

I lifted my head to look at his eyes, letting the confusion show through mine. He laughed without humor, the sound was sad, defeated. "It's scary to think about losing you Tae. You are quite literally the only person I have who I know loves me okay? So to think that I could lose you to whatever has been upsetting you is truly terrifying."

The sobs racked through my body harder. I was hurting him, causing him to worry because I couldn't get myself under control. "It's just-" I choked on the lump in my throat, burying my head back in his chest. I couldn't look at his eyes right now, I couldn't look at the love they held, knowing it wasn't the same love I had for him. "I miss you ya'know. You're always with her now and I'm stuck at the dorm all on my own. When you do come home you're too tired or just don't want to spend time with me." The pain surged through my chest again.

The fun fact that your brain treats rejection like physical pain wasn't so fun right now.

"I just want you back. The you I had when we first moved here when we were in high school. I get that you grow and change and I want you to better yourself I just-" more sobs.

Body shaking, lung emptying sobs that left you with a headache afterward. I couldn't find it in myself to say the last part.

"Just what Tae? Talk to me. I'd rather have you say what you want to than lose you because you felt you couldn't talk to me". Gentle, calloused hands took my face in between them. "Look at me will you? Just what? Tell me please." He looked scared.

He looked wary and content snd terrified and calm all at the same time. It was odd to explain, but it was this face that gave me comfort when it came to his relationships. No matter who he was with he never looked at them like this.

He never seemed serene when caring for them, he never seemed calm and content when he had to calm down or tend to his girlfriend.

With a heavy sigh, I finally spoke. "I just-.." Another deep breath. "I just don't want you to leave me behind while you do it ya'know?"

Silence, that was it.

Until there was an exhale, one that resembled a chuckle but was laced with tiredness and minimal humor. "God, you're an idiot sometimes."

It was moments like this that gave me false hope.

"It's absurd that you could ever think that I'd leave you behind Tae." His eyes locked to mine again, melted chocolate orbs locked onto my own. "I love you, much more than you think. You're stuck with me, okay? Don't forget that."

Even though I knew he didn't feel the same way I did, it was these rare moments that made me think I had a chance.

With a gentle, caring, pained, content, and small smile he bent his head down to kiss my forehead, bending lower to kiss the tears away and they continued to roll.

We stood like that until the rain stopped.