Letters for a dead friend ➸ muke

michael's letter

to my dearest luke,

            i know this is a shitty 3rd anniversary. im sorry. im really sorry. it was never an accident. i know, im so weak. im shattered. im broken. that is why i ended it. i do not have an acceptable reason on why i did this. but i felt like i do not deserve you. i do not deserve the love. i do not deserve the fame. so i did what i was told.

i killed myself.

i didnt have to write ' i ended my life because i wasnt good enough ' straight to the point there, luke. but please, please remember that ive always loved you. every fiber of my being. every cell in my body. every vein that's working on my blood to keep me breathing. but i had to end it.

if i fell from 5,000 feet height, i would surely lose lots of blood. 

im sorry, my lukey. but do not be sad. im just another chapter in your life. another chapter that should be finished. and luke, you need to let this chapter go so you'd read another chapter and finish your whole book. i may not be the most beautiful chapter in your book, but you are in mine. hell, youre my whole book. my whole book revolves around your being, luke. it revolves around your eyes, your nose, your pink lips, your quiff, your smile, your dimple, your giggles, your laughs, your voice. ahh, your voice.

promise me one thing, luke. you'll continue singing.

sing, not because i said so. sing because you can. sing so people can hear, sing for calum and ashon. sing for our band. sing because they're all rooting for you. 

i am rooting for you.

im your biggest fan, luke. you know that. i may act like i dont like hearing you singing, but hell, it's my favorite sound. i love hearing you sing while youre in the shower, i love hearing you sing when you cook, i love hearing you sing when we're on tour. but most of all, i love hearing you sing when you thought nobody's watching.

and now i could watch you everytime.

i'll miss you, lukey. continue being happy. being without me is counted okay!

continue everything like i was never there. continue everything like nothing was gone.

because i wasnt gone.

i'm always in your heart, my lukey.

-michael .xx