The Comment

The Second Comment

What was this on his phone? Oh, great. Another Redstone Regards video that he wouldn't understand even if he put years of thought and research into it. From the description he gathered that this had taken her a long time to create. However, it was just twelve seconds. What could this be? Apparently someone called Niko was there. The thumbnail contained all the feelings he had for the world perfectly illustrated in a small, low resolution image. Whatever it might have been, he knew he would have to devote hours into writing a short story underneath her video, despite the fact that no one would ever read past the first three lines. He thought this was ridiculous, in all honesty. Is this the reward he gets for spending hours of his life typing for a stupid joke.

Out of even more desperation he had even put his story on Wattpad to see if it would get more attention on there. It didn't. And even though his Numberjacks fanfiction ranked 50th for the "ginger" category, his short story, "The Comment", only had eight views. Keep in mind that most of those were him reading it back, checking for typos that nobody would find.

Oh my, this is just the most meta comment ever written in history, isn't it? Even more so that that one comment that went "LOL!!!!!" on that video nobody cares about. What actually happened in Charlotte's video still hasn't been discussed! What am I doing with my life?

Oh, hi Mark.

He stared into the eyes of his Annoying Orange plushie in confusion and sadness. He was just lying on his bed spending hours of his mortal existence typing a YouTube comment. One that, again, no one in there right mind would want to read. Should he steal another story from online again to save time? No. He actually spent more time fixing all the spelling mistakes than he would have spent typing the whole thing out himself.
I've lost control of my life, he thought. I like to singa! About the moona and the tuna and the springa!

We mustn't depress our wide audience, eh, Lawrence?

'No, master, we should not.'

Excellent! So try to lighten the mood a little bit.

'Hi, kids, and welcome to VeggieTales!'

No, no, that's trademarked. And it's Christian propaganda.

'Fair enough. How about I tell my favourite childrens' bedtime story instead?'

'As long as it's not some parody version stolen from the internet,' he said.

'It's not,' said Lawrence earnestly. 'It was a beautiful summer day. The sun shone warmly on an old house near a river. Behind the house a mother duck was sitting on her eggs.

'"Tchick." "Tchick." "Tchick." One by one all the eggs started to break open. All except for one egg. This egg was the biggest of them all. Mother duck sat and sat on the big egg. Finally, it breaks open. "Tchick, thick!" Out comes the last baby ducking; it looked big and ugly.

'The next day mother duck took all her little ducks to a river. She jumped into it and all the baby ducks jumped in. The big ugly duckling jumped in too. They all swam and played together.

'"Quack, quack! Come to me now!' said mother duck.

'The mother duck led her baby ducklings to the end of the river - a big waterfall. The waterfall was very big and very loud, and the mother duck asked, "Who here is willing to sacrifice their mortality?" All the ducklings looked at her, confused -'

'I think I've heard enough.'

'But it was getting to the best bit!' cried Lawrence.

Stick it in the goal like ya dad sticks it in ya hole, son, you know it's trueeee!

'It is true, Dad.'

And, like that, the story went dark.

Now, m'boy, you see that worm? Yeah, that one. The blue one. Or it could be a snake actually. Who knows? Now, I want you to put that around your neck. Yes, yes, like that. Just like that. Now -

The Screenslaver interrupts this programme for a special announcement ...

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Just kidding, the story didn't stop, that was a part of it! Insert Mickey Mouse laugh here. Now let's get back to killing Lawrence, shall we?

Lawrence begged his father to stop (my father isn't actually a threat to my life guys, don't get the wrong idea).

'I haven't even seen the new Redstone Regards video!' he cried. His father smirked at him.

'You'll be able to watch it in hell, sonny,' he said satanically.

'But Dad, please!' he screamed. It was as though he were talking to the wall. No reaction followed.

Hold up a tiny lil' second ... I thought this story wasn't gonna get dark.

'Well that's where you were wrong,' said Lawrence to the narrator, breaking the fourth wall despite it already being in pieces on the ground.

The narrator stopped.

'Is that a motherfricking JoJo reference?' he asked.

'No,' said Lawrence flatly. 'I don't even watch JoJo.'

'You don't watch JoJo?' said his dad in disbelief.

'No. Also frick you, dude, you're mean.'

'Did you just do an F bomb?' he asked. 'Are you languaging?'

Lawrence was reminded of his Japanese teacher, Duo. He was a nice owl.

Lawrence and Duo first met when Ms French Teacher had told the class to make an account for duolingo.com. Lawrence, being the rebellious little skank he was, used his main email address instead of the school one. Man, he hated French. But that is a story for another day. Instead he learned the failed international auxiliary language, Esperanto. It was easy as donkey balls. But it didn't grant him much reward. So after that, he decided to face the challenge of becoming a proper polyglot, starting with the Japanese language. Let's just say it was a bit harder than Esperanto to grasp. However, he knew that once he had finished the Japanese skill tree, he would get another lick of that sweet owl butthole. It was a very sexual relationship.

'Dad, that doesn't make grammatical sense,' he said, thinking of Duo.

'Neither does you simping for Charlotte!' he cried. He did have a point, really. I mean, writing this long of a comment for a woman? Seems a bit sus.

'JoJo is overrated anyway,' Lawrence said coldly. Everyone's face, including the narrator's, went white.

And then the universe exploded.