Every so often in the middle of the night, Jody would tiptoe along the landing, silently in the dark, feeling her way to Sasha's room. She'd slip in the door, under the covers and burrow into Sasha's warmth where the other girl would hold her tight, gently stroking her rarely loose hair.
But sometimes... just sometimes, after a particularly painful day, Jody would come looking for comfort in more ways than one.
The first time it had happened was after she'd met Freya. She'd seen the way her and Sasha talked to each other, the way they knew each other, and couldn't help but feel jealous of that closeness they'd previously shared. Something that kept them connected all these years later, even if Sasha didn't want to be. Although they wouldn't share that same form of closeness for another year, the night of them reuniting was the first time they shared a bed. It started with joking about in their pyjamas before turning into a talk so long that they dozed off with their heads on Sasha's pillows before they could even think about getting under the covers together. And although Sasha doubted it would happen again, she still bought another pillow for her bed later the next day. In time that same pillow would not be washed as it grew to smell like Jody's shampoo and was splattered with dried tears fallen on particularly hard nights. Such as the one that occurred the night Tyler left and Jody stayed. The first time it happened.
Fumbling, awkward hands quickly grew accustomed to each other's touch and movements. Sometimes gentle and sweet with whispers of affection. Sometimes hot and heavy, quiet grasping in the dark.
Always forgotten the next morning.
It seemed it only existed in the dark whilst the rest of the world slept.
Or so they thought.
The creaking floorboards outside the door and the guilty eyes refusing to meet hers the next morning told Sasha that Bird knew without him having to.
He apologised and stayed away from the girls as they expected he would, but after a week Sasha realised it actually felt like a huge relief to speak her truth for the first time.
"We never talk about it, it's just... something that happens sometimes"
"I'm... not exactly surprised... except that it's so recent. You guys used to be so close, but you hardly ever talk now, you don't really seem to spend much time together anymore. Unless 'at night' is like a regular thing..."
"No, it's not. She was just upset about her brother. Her family, really. She was just lonely"
"What about when you're upset? Do you go to her?"
"Well, that's not how the two of us really do things. We're not exactly huge on talking about feelings"
"You're talking to me... How does it feel?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you love her? And... does she love you?"
It was clear to Sasha from the moment she almost left Ashdene Ridge, how she felt about Jody. Though for the other question... She'd asked herself it a hundred times over. Every time she heard her door creak open in the black of night before she kissed her best friends salty tears away.
Every time it felt like she melted into her headphones where the music could feel everything for her she wanted to ignore but hurt regardless.
She asked herself almost every day, but she never asked the one person who'd truly know the answer.
She never asked because she was scared.
She was scared it would reveal how she feels, something she feels must remain a secret to the world, sometimes even from herself.
She was scared it would further complicate the already incredibly tangled web they'd been spinning all these years.
She was scared of losing her.
But most of all, she was scared she wouldn't like the answer.
[END]
