Red Flags

Red Flag Ranking System

I remember thinking, after breaking up with Ray and suddenly being able to see all of the red flags, plain as day, that I had noticed and acknowledged some of them while we had been dating, but I wrote them off as being no big deal. I wish I had some idea as to how severe each one was. That's why I've put together this severity ranking system. 

1- Almost definitely not intentional and does not cause actual harm. Try talking about it if it bothers you. Not necessarily a red flag, but can become one. Ex. They leave dirty clothes on the floor. 

2- Probably not intentional, but bothersome, and can likely be solved by talking. Ex. They're frequently out late at night and you don't know where.

3- Might not be intentional, but is a bad sign. Keep an eye on things. Ex.They make insensitive jokes; They never say "thank you".

4- They are clearly doing this on purpose, but might not realize that it's wrong. Try having a serious discussion. Ex. Jokingly calling you a name you don't like.

5- This is intentional even if it's not specifically meant to harm you. Watch for more red flags. Have a serious discussion. Start thinking of exit strategies. Ex. Repeatedly doing something that you have said makes you uncomfortable; lying; acting jealous/possessive.

6- This is being done specifically to hurt/control you and likely cannot be resolved. Ex. Purposefully disregarding your emotions/health; being purposefully cold.

7- Could be an indication of something far worse down the line. Leave. Ex. Doesn't let you have friends of the opposite gender; disrespects minor boundaries.

8- This is unhealthy. Seek help and go now. Ex. Impulsively hitting things when angry; pointing out your every flaw; gaslighting.

9- He is one step from putting your life in danger. Leave while you still can. Ex. Having an explosive temper; isolating you from family/friends; disrespecting major boundaries.

10- Your life is in danger. Seek outside help, get out. Make sure you are somewhere safe and not alone. Ex. Physically hits you; makes threats to harm you/themselves.