TW: Depression, self harm ect.
A new beginning
It was dark all around me, all i could see where my own tears flooding the emptiness of my heart. I gave up, it started so long ago
And I was tired of all this, this pain, this agony, I was scared but nobody seemed to see me, nobody tried to reach out.
At least that's what the darkness made me see, every good thing I had in life disappeared one by one, and i was scared.
I started to hurt, I continued crying and the darkness became an endless void. I was lost in a maze with no exit.
I couldn't see the light of day anymore, after all I lived in the dark, and the night was the place I felt the most comfortable in.
But it was not healthy, I was killing myself slowly and gently. I was cuddling the demon that would haunt my life
I was free falling into the pit of emptiness and darkness this awful thing called Depression, and I could not find any grips.
I felt alone yet I was comforted by my demons, I didn't look at my family like I should have, they were like roommates
To me, then after almost a year of nothingness my parents sent me to a psychological hospital, I didn't like it, too much colors,
Too much lights, too much people. I did not want to stay. The first year there, well... let's just say I was not seen often.
The second year, I started to see a glim of hope it was so small yet... I followed it, so I went almost every day to that colorful
Place, I made friends and foes, I was a "normal" person for a while. Then I fell back but this time they anticipated it and put me full
Time in the lights, I ate, slept, took showers there, it was a new home. For the third year I alternated between my home called
"The darkness" and my other home "the light place" that went on for a year, I started to feel better, I wanted to try, the glim of hope
Grew larger and larger every day, then I went full time there for 5 month it was to prepare me to my nowadays, almost no contact
With the outside world no phone with sim cards, windows on your room door... it was like a prison, but I was there by my own choice
so I continued to live there, I developed a crush for a certain someone... then she left, she left to go where I had feared to go for month
It was like a shock. I wanted to go there now, I wanted to see that girl again, and she helped me realize that I was maybe not a good for
Nothing. So I went for a visit, they explained to me how all of the establishment worked and I liked it, it was way better than my
Old place. I had hoped to see the girl during my visit... I didn't. But after the summer break, I was directly put into this place I call
"HOPE" I liked it, the people where nice, and it was nice to be accepted and even wanted by other... but no trace of the girl.
I got sad a bit, thinking she had already left, but not even a week later, she was there, I thought I had stopped liking her,
We were so happy, she didn't recognize me at first since I had cut my hair short, we soon where back to being super close...
But that's when I learned she had a girlfriend, so I put all my feeling aside left them there to die, I was ready to move on,
After all I had expected it. But I saw in her eye the same spark that she had for me in our old place. My heart started pounding
Loudly in my chest again, because of her I rushed into going back to school after 4 years of emptiness... And it worked out great!
I wanted to tell her my feelings, and all the happiness she brought to me but I couldn't, because she had a girlfriend that loved her,
But I soon realized she did not love her girlfriend anymore she was lying to herself about love... so I helped her for I was her friend
She realized it... so they broke up, and the love I had left to die started to punch my chest out... but we stayed friends... close friends.
Kissing in truth or dare, holding hands... small things... And finally one day... well more one night... she confessed to me. I didn't say
Anything at first cuz my heart was breaking out of my chest, then as for a response... I kissed her. Our first true kiss... there where
many to follow, we lived together in "hope" and I was truly happy after all, I had everything going for me and for month it went great!
Then I'm not sure what happen we both had a break down at the same moment... we are slowly healing our wounds but we are doing
It together. She also helped me realize what I wanted to be. She gave me back my hopes and dream, it is truly a new beginning.
Those where pretty lies I told myself.
Now I am alone, is what I would have said a year ago. But I can look around to see my friends
Faces, they are all by my side, even across the sea they'll stay, I can rest assured now. I am not alone anymore. i might have lost a lover, but i found real love.
