Something Worth Losing | S.B

4: Full Moons and Family Blues

Despite Regulus' dedication to his education, Beatrice decided to skip Potions anyway. Instead, she sat on a window ledge, a cigarette hanging tightly from her lips, watching the very few ripples that the wind caused on the Black Lake.

"Shouldn't you be in class?"

The sound of the voice coming from down the hall caused Beatrice to rip the cigarette from her mouth and hide it behind her back. As the voice approached, Beatrice saw that it belonged to Remus Lupin. "I could say the same to you." She responded.

"You know, I'm a prefect." He said, hands in pockets as he leaned against the wall next to her.

"I've heard." She batted her eyelids innocently. "So?"

"So," he continued, eyeing her right arm that was bent around her back, "I should do something about that cigarette."

Her shoulders slumped and she tilted her head in a pleading way. "Are you going to?"

He was silent for a moment, considering the question. "I suppose I could consider letting it slide if you leant me one." He requested cheekily, and Beatrice smiled, withdrawing another cigarette for the taller boy and lighting it with her wand.

He sat himself next to her and took the first drag. "I'm the worst prefect ever." They both chuckled.

"You said it, not me."

They were silent for a little while and Beatrice's cigarette was all but gone by the time Remus spoke again. "So what was all that in the Great Hall the other day?"

Beatrice rolled her eyes. "I don't know if I want to talk about that."

"Why?"

She looked at Remus in an embarrassed sort of way, only glancing up and shifting her eyes to the side. "You know why." They were silent again, but there was a question rattling around in the girl's head that she just had to get out. "Why are you here?" Remus looked to her, putting his cigarette out. "With me, right now. I know you don't like my family."

Remus gave a breathy snort. "I'm not one to judge. Besides, Sirius is my best mate. I know what happens when you have a family like that."

Beatrice shook her head. "No you don't." Remus blinked at her blunt response, looking almost embarrassed. Beatrice tried to explain herself. "We're different, me and him. I'm not as ... well, you know, he can be quite ..." Beatrice stumbled over her words, hoping Remus would understand. Remus didn't say anything. "I'm going to be a wife. And a mum. Black can be a father, but he doesn't have to be a dad. Do you understand? I have a lot more at stake, I have a lot more to run away from. But I don't, because I can't. I've got no choice." She spoke very slowly.

Remus looked at her again and she thought she could detect elements of pity and disbelief in his eyes. "You've all the choice in the world." He said.

"And I'm sorry." she continued, ignoring him, "I know he's your friend." The word 'friend' came out with small traces of distaste and Beatrice almost felt bad.

Remus took a long time before he responded, calculating his words very carefully. When he did speak, he spoke slowly. "I don't disagree with you, exactly."

Beatrice sniffed, shaking her head lightly. "It doesn't matter anyway. In my world, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter who you are. You're just..." She trailed off morbidly and Lupin gulped. "You're screwed for being born."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Remus asked quietly, and suddenly Beatrice felt very guilty.

She shrugged, shaking her head. "Because you're here. And because every time I bring it up to Regulus he goes quiet and starts thinking about his brother and then I feel like a bitch and then he barely talks for the rest of the day." Remus nodded solemnly. He was a very good listener. "Sorry, I know this is probably the last thing you want to talk about."

"I'd be an idiot if I thought I could avoid it." He said truthfully.

"Right."

Another pause.

"I should leave." Remus stood up. "Thanks for the smoke, and uh, I won't write you up." He winked, and Beatrice thought it was miraculous that he was still being nice to her after she had essentially used a boy she wasn't friends with as a free therapist. She gave a weak smile in return.

***

"Alright, Moony?"

"Ha ha." Remus 'Moony' Lupin replied to his greeting in the boys dormitory that evening, shooting a sarcastic look at the source of the unpopular nickname, Sirius Black.

"Uh oh," another roommate, Peter Pettigrew, piped up from his four-poster, "someone's having a bad day."

"It's not the day that's the problem." Remus threw his bag on his bed, clearing off a few stray socks. "The full moon's less than a week away."

Instead of looking morbid at the mention of Remus' lycanthropy, like the three remaining marauders usually did, this time they were grinning as though they were bursting to reveal a secret. "About that, Moony," James Potter, the fourth and final roommate, started. "This month we might be able to help you out."

"You mean-" Remus started as if he now understood why they were grinning, a hopeful look on his face.

"Peter and I had Divination this morning." James interrupted, which Remus usually hated but in this case he was far too happy to care. "Professor Burrage said there'll be a lightning storm tomorrow night. That's when we can transform for the first time."

Remus couldn't say anything. There was something much larger than his heart beating against the confines of his ribcage and a hot feeling coming up his throat. Everything felt lighter at the thought that full moons might not be quite so unbearable.

Unable to refrain any longer, Remus leapt at his friends and buried his face in James' jumper. They all laughed as Remus rocked back and forth and Sirius grasped at the werewolf's robes, bringing him closer.