Crossword

one | 心碎

AT SIX, YEN THINKS SHE KNOWS HEARTBREAK.

It's the reason she's still tossing and turning in her bed, three hours after Yue and Jia-Le have gone to sleep. Her blanket has been kicked off and pulled back at least ten times now. She doesn't think she's ever explored so many sleeping positions.

Their room is deadly quiet, broken only occasionally by her siblings' breathing. A cool breeze blows through the apartment. They only moved in this morning, but already, the room is starting to feel like home.

There's just something missing. Something she can't quite put into words.

That's the thing about school. They teach you about colours, books, how to say your name. What they don't teach you is this weird feeling, this pain in the part of your chest that stores your heart.

In the kitchen, her mother pushes back her chair and grabs the remnants of their dinner. Porcelain clatters into the skin. The tap runs. Their new home's walls are paper-thin, Yen has realised.

Home. Fingers scrabble on the sheets. She thinks of her father, and how he never comes home on this day. Of the time she found Jia-Le putting flowers on her sister's grave before they left. Yue said picked flowers die before their time. Of the nights she's spent alone, turning in her covers, only to realise that there will never be warmth on the other side of the bed again.

The water stops running. The door to her parents' room closes.

She doesn't know who they're waiting for, she and her mother. Her father? Her sister? Or maybe it's the dream of a perfect family, untouched, its perfect charm alluring but the experience long-forgot.

The room suddenly feels stifling.

A grate pulls - a sound she's already learnt to associate with someone coming home. Quietly, she pads out of bed and pulls the door open, body already aching for one of her father's hugs.

The hallway is empty.

Yen doesn't think. She just walks up to the doorway, pulls the door open softly, and lets herself out into the night. Finally, she feels like she can breathe again.

A lone light flickers at the end of the hallway. She turns right instead, pushes on a faint outline of a door, and finds herself in the fire escape.

Putting both hands on the railing, she stares outwards. Marina Bay is particularly pretty at night, a stark contrast to the concrete jungle she's always known. Colourful lights blink at her, reflected in the clear water. A lone boat streaks across the harbour. It's so quiet now, she can hear the water lapping against the shores.

And then she turns and sees that she's not alone.

It's out of her mouth before she can help it. "What are you doing here?"

The boy's eyebrows raise. "I live here."

"Here?" Yen jabs in the direction of their apartment.

"Opposite you," he clarifies. His eyes dart up and down, like he's sizing her up. He gives her a hesitant smile. "I'm Jun."

Jun, she thinks. It suits him. His hair is too long, slightly dropping into his eyes, but she notices his eyes crinkle when he smiles.

"Yen," she says, taking a seat next to him. She holds out a hand.

"Yen and Jun." He shakes her hand, laughing. The sound rings across the stairwell, but Yen finds that she doesn't mind the disturbance.

For a second, she forgets about home.

It's only for a second, though, and she winces. When she meets his gaze again, he's staring out at the water. "Look."

He's pointing at a boat, and as she follows his gaze, she lets out a breath. "They pass here a lot. At least once an hour, but less at night."

Yen tilts her head curiously. "Do you come here often?"

"Every day," he confesses, giving her a rueful smile. "Han's usually studying and my mother won't let me into the kitchen. We go to the park sometimes, but we haven't been in a while."

"The park just around the corner?" Yen remembers a small grass patch, just a swing and some slides, from their walk here.

Jun shakes his head. "Esplanade Park." Bright eyes blink up at her. "You should come with us sometime."

I'd love to surges up Yen's throat, but it never comes to life, swallowed by a yawn. Jun notices, and his eyebrows furrow. "It's late. You should go to sleep."

Yen gets up obediently, but for some reason, even though she's only going a few steps away, she doesn't want to leave. She looks at Jun again. "I'll... come find you?"

Jun jumps off the stairs too, but he doesn't walk towards her. He gives her a shy grin. "I live right next door to you, you know. I can come and find you too."

Yen turns away, but she can't stop the smile on her face - and that night, for the first time in a year, she's smiling in her sleep. 

✽

yen 妍 
beautiful/glorious

jun 俊
a very wise person/handsome - that's why jun laughs when he says both their names