Stay With Me (Roman Reigns)

55.

Roman went back on the road because he had work to do but I couldn't. Not yet. We'd called Vince and told him what was going on and that I couldn't have any physicality. I hated not being able to go on the road with my husband but I needed to get myself together before I did that. I needed to get through these emotions and back to normal. And to help with that, I'd told aunt Lisa and uncle Bill and they had been calling every day since Roman left to see how I was doing. Aunt Lisa even came over and cooked for me the day he left.

Now, it had been a week since Roman left on the road and that's when I really let out my depression for what happened. I spent the whole time I was with Roman making him think I was okay and that I would be fine when he went on the road but I wasn't. I was far from okay. I was battling myself internally. Part of me agreed with Roman when he said it wasn't my fault. And deep down I probably knew that it wasn't. But the other part of me was screaming that it was. That my sour attitude about the pregnancy killed my baby. That I was responsible for it. And I couldn't shake that part of me, no matter how hard I tried. What's worse was that every time I heard the voice in my head tell me that I killed my baby, the less I heard the other part telling me that I didn't. It was like the negative was over taking the positive and there was nothing I could do about it. I spent my days cuddled on the couch, watching whatever was on TV and crying. I made sure nobody else saw what I was going through because I knew Roman would come home the minute he heard and I couldn't let that happen. I had to find it in myself. I had to prove to myself that it was not my fault that our baby died and I couldn't do that if he was there telling me that over and over again. I loved him so much but he could be over bearing sometimes and I couldn't let myself completely become dependent on him. I had to also figure stuff out for myself.

The house was becoming a mess. I mean, I wasn't letting it get bad but I wasn't doing much around the house either. Clothes were draped on the couch and on chairs. My bed was never made and I always made it every day when I got up, although, most nights I spent out on the couch anyway. Hell, I didn't take a shower for a couple days and I usually took one every day. I took one this morning after forcing myself to but then I was back on the couch. Needless to say, I was hurting and I needed something, anything to pull me out of it.

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ROMAN'S P.O.V.

I was about to head off to work from the hotel when my phone rang. I dug it out of my bag and looked at it. Bill. I answered and put the phone to my ear. "Hey Bill. Is something wrong?" I asked.

"Yeah, actually." he said. "Katie's not doing so good."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "She was fine when I left." What the hell was wrong with my wife? She was in perfect spirits when I left for work. She was smiling and laughing. She was getting back to her normal self. What the hell changed? Did something else happen?

"Well, she's just down in the dumps. She's crying all the time. Every time we go over to check on her she's crying. Every time we call her, she's crying. She tries to hide it but we know how she is. She did the same thing after Dakota. She tried to hide it from everyone. I was the only one who saw through it though. She needs something to channel her energy and her anger. She needs something to get it all out." he said.

"Should I come home? I feel like I should be with her." I said.

"I don't know that it's gonna help." he said. "Katie doesn't like people hovering. She hates it. And she'll only hide it more if she feels hovered."

"What should I do? She can't have any physicality right now. I don't know what's left for her to channel her anger on." I said.

"What about dancing?" he asked. "You said she enjoyed it. Hell, I could see that she enjoyed it. If she could just go dance somewhere, maybe she can dance out all that anger."