A Soul of Empty Words

Love is not tragic; unless you make it. And Akhtar Rasheed was the picasso of making it so.

He did not want any of that. None of it. Until it found him when his world collided with that of indifferent Sumaiya Hassan.

______

He couldn't understand why he was where he was right now. On the night of his wedding nevertheless; alone and broken and already divorced.

An urgent turn of the door knob made him divert his gaze from his bloody palm to the wooden barrier he wished he could lock tight. Just like his heart.
"You're under arrest," the officer declared cuffing his hands behind his back. Akhtar didn't fight it. He didn't have it in him to fight. He heard his rights read out and marched with the officers with his eyes trained on the ground.
What could he say anyway? His soul was empty. There was nothing left in it. Not even the words he was so good at. Words held no meaning in a world ruled by unruly emotions and shattered hearts. Empty words. An empty soul.

Why? he asked himself over and over and over. Why Sumaiya? Why you? Why me? Just, why?

He didn't have answers except the tears he was too ashamed to shed now. As he was shoved into the police car, hands cuffed and dignity robbed, the entire hotel watched him go.

They had started off as psychiatrist and patient. Dr Akhtar and Miss Sumaiya. She had a whole load of complications.
"I'm not afraid of losing anyone," she'd said when he asked why she was being reckless. "I don't think anyone has a say in my happiness." She scowled at the door, "self-love," she added.
"Selfishness," he corrected her. She knew she had a problem but she refused to accept it as a problem. She wanted everyone to accept it as part of the package.
I blame you, social media. For putting down selflessness as a disease of the weak and marketing selfishness to up your reach. The doctor didn't say it though. Three months. I have three months. And if I can't save her, I can't save her.

Several sessions revolved around trying to make her understand that kindness wasn't toxic. That being soft didn't make a person any less brave. But moved, she wouldn't be. Sumaiya was so indifferent to the world he wondered how her parents put up with her. Was she like this since childhood? Did something change her? If so, what? If not, why? Her file didn't give any details. So that's exactly what he decided to find.

Trying to follow her would have landed him in jail. He laughed at it now; I'm going there anyway. But he persevered. Every week he dared to go a little further out. To seek a little strongly. Then her brother caught him.

Raheem Hassan was a man at least twice his size, but Akhtar deduced he would be able to take him down. Then they bonded over Sumaiya's affliction. Panic attacks. Unexplained nightmares. Black outs. Irrational fears of people. And love. She feared attachment. Because? Because she wouldn't be loved enough. Selfish, again.

"I can hold my own against any storm," she informed during a session. "I don't care who it is. If they try to make me unhappy, I cut them out. Self love first."
"Sumaiya." He was trying hard not to sound exasperated. "This is your problem. You don't see there's a problem with your attitude."
"I don't have a problem to see, doctor," she answered as exasperated as he should have been.
That session didn't end well for either of them.

"People care deeply," he told her another day. "Humans are social animals for a reason, Sumaiya. We need a shoulder, a hand or an ear."
"Mine are functional," she shrugged. "Very much so."
"Inflate that ego of yours any more, and I can kill you with a single pin."
She seethed a little. "Everyone is the same, doctor. They need you to get their needs then they don't need you anymore."
"Wrong. Not everyone. All people can't be lumped together. Which is why some are irreplaceable in our lives."
"The world population is around 7284836638; in case someone is acting irreplaceable."
"That ego again. It's toxic to you."
"No one cares, doctor!" she emphasised by slapping her palm lightly on the table top "-- no one cares. No one will care when you're gone. Cry for a day. Remember for a year. Move on. The end."
"You're so delusional."
"Doctor, I think my head is clearer than yours. Tell me, has my story ever made you cry? Sit and think and feel sorry? Ever felt my pain? Or anyone's at all? You do this for money. Selfish."
"Do I need to cry in front of you for my words to hold meaning?" He didn't know where the emotion arose from. And he didn't like how it made him feel.
Indifferent Sumaiya shrugged again. "I don't care. Honestly."
"Then why did you ask?"
"Because I'm lost, doctor. In a world that you built in your head with too bright colours. Your dreams. Your castles in the air. And I'm a wraith lurking in there somewhere. Come find me, I'm lost in the castles of your dreams."
What? Pick up line? On your shrink? Outrageous.