A Study in Candy

A Study in Candy: a G1 oneshot

"I can't believe Soundwave has us doing the Earth research! If Megatron wants to know more about the stupid humans, why not have Skywarp or Thundercracker study them? We've got better things to do!" Rumble whined while slumping forwards into the Decepticon's computer in boredom.

Laserbeak gave him a disapproving look. Decepticon research was something Laserbeak took very seriously, though none of the other cassetticons felt the same way.

Ravage growled in a dull, bored tone, and Frenzy had the same glazed-over expression as Buzzsaw.

Megatron was tired of constantly being outwitted by the Autobots' knowledge of Earth and the human ways, so he had Soundwave organize a kind of study group to figure the humans out.

Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Rumble, Frenzy, and Ravage got stuck being the "study group" and had been tasked with each learning a topic on humans. They swore it would be the death of them...

"Did you know there are 27 bone-things in each human servo?" Rumble announced in a pained tone. "And they all have different names!!!!"

"Well, I just learned the humans have special celebrations for the different times in their stellar cycles, or years as they call them," Frenzy said in a more enthusiastic tone than Rumble.

"Why do you get the cool category to research?!" Rumble complained. "I'm stuck memorizing the names of these bone-things... there's so many!!!"

Laserbeak cawed.

"Lase is right, that doesn't sound like it would be very important to the Decepticons. Learn about something else like why they have those fluffy, stringy, things coming out of their helms!"

"Oh yeah, hair."

Frenzy went back to reading about holidays. "Hey, listen to this! At the end of the month Oct-oober, they have this thing called Halloween where they dress up to steal candy!"

"What's candy? Is it an energy source?" Rumble asked, moving over to Frenzy's side of the computer.

"I don't know. It's a food. Ravage, you're studying foods; what's a candy?!" Frenzy asked.

Ravage showed them pictures of chocolates and hard candies. Soon, all five of the cassetticons were crowded around a single computer panel, reading about candy and Halloween.

"Man, I wish we had this back on Cybertron! This sounds awesome!!" Rumble said.

Buzzsaw stared longingly at a picture of candy corn.

Ravage grunted and pointed at a picture of a kid in a robot costume. The cassetticons all burst out laughing.

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By the end of the solar cycle, only Laserbeak had finished his report on the topic he had studied which was the connection between the different types of government and human psychology.

Frenzy and Buzzsaw were still fantasizing about what a Cybertronian Halloween would be like and if they could make candy from energon.

No one had seen Ravage in a while when he came back to the computer room where the other Cassetticons were. Ravage had a bucket with a sign reading "TRICK OR TREAT," on it. He sat down in front of the Cassetticons and tilted his head.

"Hey, look! Ravage is all set to go trick or treating!" Rumble said.

Laserbeak flew down and looked at the bucket. He cawed.

"Lase is right, you need a costume," Frenzy said.

Ravage picked the bucket up with his paws and put it on his head like a hat then grinned a toothy grin. Everyone laughed.