The Bad Boy's Choice

Chapter 3

"What’s up with you?”

Nicole asks as she reapplies her lipstick, before examining her image in the bathroom mirror. Next to her I feel like a sack, a shapeless sack with chapped gloss-less lips. We’re done with practice for the day, showered and ready to attend the afternoon slot of classes so it would only make sense that I make myself look semi-presentable but my own lipstick hangs limply in my hand.

I woke up this morning feeling absolutely lost, it’s been that way since my birthday perhaps even before that and especially since I got Cole’s text.

You didn't need him

No one's ever said that to me before. In fact the opposite is true, I’ve been told that I have to have a boyfriend and have one that’s the most popular and well liked. I’ve been told that maintaining your status is important and as the mayor’s daughter, it’s my job to uphold our family’s reputation. Since my brother rather spectacularly destroyed my parents dreams, it’s up to me to be the saving grace.

No pressure right?

And I was okay with it, okay with dealing with expectations and forever stretching myself thin enough to meet those expectations but somehow, somewhere along the way I’ve just lost the will to do it anymore.

“Do you ever feel like you’re constantly trying to be someone you’re not.”

I look at myself in the water stained mirror, at my expensive yet uncomfortable clothes and the look of absolute hopelessness on my face.

Nicole, to her credit hardly reacts to my question. She keeps doing her makeup until everything’s in place and she looks perfect, ready to rule the world.

“Not really, I’m who I always wanted to be. I’ve got everything I ever wanted for myself and so have you, right?”

Because of course it's the material things that matter. I shake my head, it’s useless to start these conversations with her because she never gets me. The fact that we’re best friends seems to be something born out of habit and not because we’re oh so compatible.

“Right.”

I mumble and we leave for class. 

***

“So you want to go look for your dress after school today?”

Sadly it’s not my mother or Nicole asking me this question, it’s Jay. While most girls would be thrilled at the idea of having their boyfriend voluntarily offer to shop with them, for me the thought is a bit more than depressing. The reason I need a new dress is homecoming and I shudder at the very thought of it. Dances were fun back in middle school and maybe at the start of high school but by now it’s all about keeping up appearances. I put on a pretty dress, Jay buys a matching tie and gets me the right corsage and we spend the entire time doing anything but dancing. It’s basically a photo opportunity and the idea of going through all those motions makes me want to hurl.

But instead of doing so I smile at him, “Can’t, I…I need to go somewhere.”

Maybe it’s not the best answer, especially when we’re sitting at the lunch table with all our friends. Jay’s face turns cold as he borderline glares at me.

“The somewhere you’ve been all week?”

I feel a twinge of guilt, it’s not that I’m ignoring him. The only reason I’m avoiding him is because the more time I spend with him the more I risk breaking up with him. So I’m spending more and more time on my own, trying to fit into the right boxes but so far I’m coming up short.