After I broke my promise

i broke her again

Hi diary ....I know you belong to misthi but for now I want to talk to you..misthi have you to me to talk to you whenever I fell that I want to speak to someone but their is no one to speak..Last time this happened on the day of her gordhana with Kunal..but this time I broke her heart ..i already now how alone she felt in this world .How unimportant she felt .i knew about her insecurities that people will leave her but this time i did it..I choose nanko over misthi..though i felt helpless at the moment but i never had the right to break her heart ,i was supposed to protect from all the sadness but I gave her so much of it ..Today I broke my engagement with her to protect nanko..Today was our card ceremony and she had worn those earrings which were a symbol of our first meet, of our friendship..she might have thought that I didnt notice them but that's not true I did notice them and those earrings even made me weaker to say those harsh words to her which I would even had uttered in a nightmare to her ..I SAID THAT I DONT TRUST HER ...that not true ,I love her more than any thing ,I trust more than i trust my self ,but I couldn't hurt nanko even ,he is like a kid to me .I will always protect him no matter what and this news about her birth mother will shatter him ,I cannot let that happen .I can't see nanko like that but neither can I see misthi like that...I know misthi she trusts me as much I do trust her she will not leave me like this ,just hope that bade papa won't allow her to met me but I still believe my angry chorni her will definitely try her level best to meet me ,I have to do the best I can ,I will put all my acting skills bit I can't let her know the truth and it's even good for her to leave .She is soo good she doesn't deserves a manipulative MIL like my mom niether brother In  law like nanko..its good her to goo ..yes dairy it's good for her to go..I can't be selfish and let her live a miserable life her and let nanko also know the truth..Partner help me today to lie to everyone because not just misthi but nanu ,jugnu and nanko would have surely got that something is not right .help me..diary I need to go out now or someone will come in and see my real state which I dont want to show to anyone ..I dont or I can't answer anyone about me breaking misthi's heart..I will go out and go to the lake side surely no one will come there .doubtful about misthi ,what will I do if she comes ,I won't be able to lie again ,but no will have to ,I will lie again ,diary I really want to see her one time more at least..

....to be continued