The Pink Hibiscus

~I'm broken~

I don't know how to be a father,

I don't know what to do?

I'm lost, love.

~~~~~

Rahul pov.

In the first few hours of taking the tiny creature back in my home. I hadn't thought about how her mere presence will affect my life. I hadn't thought about how a teeny-tiny promise will change my entire life.

To be honest, I was too grief-stricken to think about the implications of this decision on my life. And it wasn't like I would ever break my promise to her, my instincts and upbringing would never let me break such promise.

The thought of abandoning the little girl, presently snoring softly, in my arms, never really occurred to me. Neither did I once think about my family's reaction to the new tiny addition in the family.

I was too busy crying the entire night with the wailing toddler. I looked like a mess and I had learned the fine art of lulling a baby to sleep, changing diapers, and differentiating between the different cries of a baby in forty eight hours. I didn't even want to imagine how I looked right now.

I hadn't slept a wink in three days. My muscles were all but sore from holding and carrying the baby all around. I don't know why, but I couldn't just leave her alone. I was scared to be alone, I was scared to lose her too.

It was the fifth day with Nova in my life. A few months-old-baby, who missed her mother's presence as much as I did, well, maybe even more, she slept fitfully. She was mostly restless and both of us were having a very rough patch. The loss, even though she wasn't a part of my life from years seemed to have wretched me apart.

Kaka and Anandi Akka! My house help seemed to have easily accepted the new addition in my life. Akka took steps beyond her professional duty to help me with the child, I've no idea whatsoever, how to deal with? And Kaka helped every way he could.

Both of them well aware how I needed to keep this little being a secret. She couldn't, her existence couldn't come to media's notice. The world couldn't know about her before I sorted out with the letters and documents Lily had left behind and I was feeling too scared to even touch them yet. I didn't want to read their contents, I didn't want to know about the hell she went through. I...I didn't want to accept the reality.  Didn't want to believe she was gone.

I was being a coward!!!

But in my defence, it felt like a day ago, I was one of the most desired bachelor in the city, living a dream life and now, suddenly I'm responsible for a child. I've no idea how to be a father. I don't know how to take care of another being. I've not even wholly processed my grief but here I was with a gruggling babe in my arm.

The ringing on the door bell alerted me of someone's arrival, as Akka opened the door announcing my family.

I...I couldn't actually comprehend my emotions. I wanted to sob, I was afraid, I had totally forgotten about their arrival and I...I didn't inform them about her. It totally slipped my mind.

What'll be there reaction to her? Will they be as accepting to her as Kaka and Akka? But even I know that thought was stretching it too far.

Imagine watching your only son with a newborn child. No wife. And playboy image in media. Yeah, you can imagine how well it might go and my fears weren't unfounded. Their warm greetings and teasing came to a sudden halt when they finally spotted me with her.

There was an absolute pin drop silence. I didn't know whether the AC suddenly stopped working or what? But I could feel myself sweating under their gazes. The silence was finally broken by my mom demanding.

"What...what is that?"

+to be continued+