Sick Of Losing Soulmates // George Weasley

Letter

Dear Fred,

First of all; fuck you.

Fuck you for leaving me here alone. Fuck you for dying. Fuck you for joking around with Percy when you should have had your guard up. Fuck you for making mum cry. Fuck you for making Aggie cry, and dad, and Ginny and Ron and everyone else. You're the worst twin ever. We were supposed to do life together, Freddie.
Fuck you for being the one who got the easy way out.

Is it selfish of me to wish the roles had been reversed? That I had been the one to die that night - then you would have had to put up with this shitty life without your best friend, just walking around as a half, never fully feeling fulfilled, feeling guilty whenever you feel the slightest bit of happiness because the other part of you should be there? Is that selfish of me Fred, to wish that you had to go through this and I could have been blissfully dead? That feels like the better option.

You'd have been fine, I think. Sure, you'd have been sad for a while, if you weren't I'd come back and haunt you. But you're Fred, there's a reason you're first; Fred and George. You have the charisma and the optimism, you were the face and the voice and I was your goofy sidekick. I know you'd have been okay if I'd been the one to die that night. So fuck you, Freddie. Fuck you for giving me a reason to miss you so much that it hurts my chest and turns my stomach to knots.

God, Fred, I miss you so fucking much. I've missed you from the very moment I realised you were gone. It's been years, Fred, but nothing has ever, or will ever, feel the same. I've been walking around for these years like I'd lost one whole half of my body. Every time I let the light pierce the darkness I'm encompassed in, every time I allow myself to feel a shred of happiness, I'm consumed by this unbearable guilt; like, how dare I enjoy life even if just for a second when your life was torn from you? I know what you'd think, you'd think I was moping and that I needed to get a grip and move on - but that was you, Freddie, you were unstoppable.

Aggie is wonderful. Where do I even start when it comes to that girl. You always knew, Freddie - you always knew me and her would end up together, and I always laughed and thought you were ridiculous. She was our best friend for christ sake - and she's hot! There's no way someone that hot would have gone for me. Well, I was wrong - she'd fancied me all that time, so as much as I hate to admit it, you were right. She's been a heaven-send over the years. When you died I was a shell of myself, but she never ever gave up on me. She gave me reason to live. I would be nothing without her. She is the single thing on this entire earth that can light a spark in me. We're having a baby, you know - you'd be an uncle! Uncle Fred, imagine that - you'd turn my kids against me and make my life hell by teaching them all our best pranks. I'm convinced we're having a boy. I'm going to tell him all about his Uncle Freddie, I promise, he'll know all about you, and you'll live on in his memory. I'll never stop telling my son about the Uncle he should've had - about his daddy's brother, his best friend - who should've been beside him, having a baby at the same time because we couldn't do anything without the other. This is the scariest adventure I'm facing without you. But my son will love you just as he would if you were alive, Freddie - you'll always be his favourite Uncle, I just know it.

Anyway, Aggie, the angel she is, still, she refuses to give up on me. I'm so much better than I was, mainly for her. She tries so hard to make things easy for me, she encourages me so much every day to take steps back to my old self, and I'm getting there, slowly.

I can't open the shop. I haven't stepped foot in it once. It feels wrong. I can't sell it because it's ours. But, I can't run it because it's ours and you're not there to run it with me. Aggie's tried to get me to go, to just step foot in it, so we can work towards reopening, but I just can't - I don't want to taint all the wonderful memories we have there.