Brave [2]

Chapter 72

I used to think I was strong, but I succumb to the pain all too quickly.

My senses seem to lose control, on high alert, and before I know it there's a burning, clenching, squeezing, antagonising pain in my chest, my head, every part of my body that I can feel, and when I try to open my mouth I realise my teeth are clamped down so tight that a single movement could shatter them, and my lips are moving wordlessly and it's no time at all that I realise from the hoarseness of my throat that I must be screaming–

A flash of black, green coiling around my throat, a glimpse of red pupils glinting, blackening teeth bared and laughter just audible over the sharp thrumming in my ears, the pulse making me very much aware of this life I live, the life I don't want to live anymore if it means any more of this, and I suddenly wish that I could've taken the easy way out; tears, but I can't tell if they're mine or someone else's, but why would anyone else be crying for me, the girl who betrayed them–

Sobs choke me till my eyes are streaming, hot and wet and endless and they're everywhere and soon it feels like every small particle of air is sticking to my skin, compressing me, shoving me into the same box I used to shove my emotions into till I managed to get out, till Aiden and Fred helped me regain myself, till my friends reminded me they were there, till I came to realise that it was okay to break in front of the people I knew could put me back together–

"How do you love my parents if they love each other?" I'd asked Remus late one night as we sat on my bed, clutching my old stuffed bunny I'd long forgotten the name of as we snuck chocolate into our mouths while Ellis and Maribel were asleep. My gaze travelled to the photograph on my bedside table, of the people I'd never gotten to meet, of the people I never thought I would.

He chuckled, memories swimming behind his eyes. "Because love isn't just a romantic love, Cass Bear. Romantic love is amazing, and it makes you feel like you can fly, but there's another kind of love that helps keep you grounded no matter what, that will be there no matter who else walks in and our of your life. That's friendship, and it's the family you choose."

Friends are the family you choose.

I don't know what's happening anymore, but the moment I can feel myself gasping from the release of the clamp around my neck there's a churning in my stomach, flips and squeezes and stretches and too much for me to bear so the moment I can feel cold ground under my head it takes all the energy left in me to roll over and hurl out everything I've eaten since I came back from Hogwarts.

Voices. Noises. I can barely process everything, feeling a lot better after spilling the contents of my lunch. Closing my eyes, I can feel the shadow over me, a sudden bout of pain shuddering over my body. Aiden's scream is too loud for my sensitive ears. "OHCASSIAWHATHAVEYOUDONE?!?!?!"

Despite the agony, I can't help but give a wry smile. My voice is sore, broken. "No more spying. He knows. But now I'm dying."

Hands press against my stomach and I can't help but scream, hearing the squeak of something on my other side. Through the dullness of my surroundings, of my brain, I can't help but recognise Kreacher's voice. How did he know? "What's your plan?!" Aiden shouts, making me flinch. "I can't treat this! You always have a plan! Come on, think!"

I pause for a moment, and I wouldn't be Sirius's daughter without replying, "Not dying! See? Thought about it." He groans. "I didn't even expect to survive, so this is a step up. Stop whining, you're not the one dying."

Almost a full minute of silence, then, "You're bleeding out!"

"Pain... is just... a construct... of the mind." But no sooner than it escapes my lips, I'm out.